Toothbrushes
This fine piece of literary work was contributed by JP Scarola...
You ever notice that when you take a new toothbrush out, it is all pristine and beautiful and resembles something of a midgets comb? Well, my toothbrushes never look like that after a week. They start looking like some seabeast was chewing on it for a late night snack. With all the toothbrushes out there, the ones where you can get that are bent so you can hit the back teeth, vibrating ones, even ones that look like a car, I need a different kind. They need to make one for me that the bristles don’t get all wiry and out of shape. I know I know, toothbrushes cost something like 99 cents, but still. My day is pretty depressing when I wake up and the first thing I see in the bathroom is a gross, slobber and toothpaste decayed mess with the top looking like a toupee getting caught in a hurricane. After I get done looking at my reflection, then I have to pick up my toothbrush, and wonder what is the point, the bristles are messed up and I doubt I am cleaning anything.
I propose Johnson and Johnson markets a toothbrush that is coated with some NASA space stuff that prevents all that gobbledygook stuff from setting in on it. Further, the bristles should be made out of pure iron so that they last a lifetime. Sure you will scratch off half the enamel on your teeth, but they are probably so brown from coffee or whatever else you drink and eat during the day, that scraping enamel will make them whiter.
Just think of the different problems that will be prevented. Angry spouses will no longer be able to throw your brush in the toilet, nor will wily roommates use it instead of toilet paper. It may sell for more than 99 cents, but this thing will last a lifetime.
Recently, my roommate bought some dentist quality toothbrush, with scrubbing heads and all. He is complaining because the battery is going dead after a week, but I haven’t had the heart to tell him I replaced his toothbrush battery with the ones in my remote control because I am too cheap to go out and buy more AA batteries.
In all, toothbrushes come in different shapes, sizes, colors, features and with different options. They are a lot like meeting someone new. At first, you are happy with them, because they do a good job. But after a few hundred uses, it stops looking pretty, and you are yearning to get rid of it for a new one. Just something to think about.
You ever notice that when you take a new toothbrush out, it is all pristine and beautiful and resembles something of a midgets comb? Well, my toothbrushes never look like that after a week. They start looking like some seabeast was chewing on it for a late night snack. With all the toothbrushes out there, the ones where you can get that are bent so you can hit the back teeth, vibrating ones, even ones that look like a car, I need a different kind. They need to make one for me that the bristles don’t get all wiry and out of shape. I know I know, toothbrushes cost something like 99 cents, but still. My day is pretty depressing when I wake up and the first thing I see in the bathroom is a gross, slobber and toothpaste decayed mess with the top looking like a toupee getting caught in a hurricane. After I get done looking at my reflection, then I have to pick up my toothbrush, and wonder what is the point, the bristles are messed up and I doubt I am cleaning anything.
I propose Johnson and Johnson markets a toothbrush that is coated with some NASA space stuff that prevents all that gobbledygook stuff from setting in on it. Further, the bristles should be made out of pure iron so that they last a lifetime. Sure you will scratch off half the enamel on your teeth, but they are probably so brown from coffee or whatever else you drink and eat during the day, that scraping enamel will make them whiter.
Just think of the different problems that will be prevented. Angry spouses will no longer be able to throw your brush in the toilet, nor will wily roommates use it instead of toilet paper. It may sell for more than 99 cents, but this thing will last a lifetime.
Recently, my roommate bought some dentist quality toothbrush, with scrubbing heads and all. He is complaining because the battery is going dead after a week, but I haven’t had the heart to tell him I replaced his toothbrush battery with the ones in my remote control because I am too cheap to go out and buy more AA batteries.
In all, toothbrushes come in different shapes, sizes, colors, features and with different options. They are a lot like meeting someone new. At first, you are happy with them, because they do a good job. But after a few hundred uses, it stops looking pretty, and you are yearning to get rid of it for a new one. Just something to think about.
posted by EDS | 3:43 PM
1 Comments:
Thank you for those words of brilliance! I could not agree more. The other day I dropped my toothbrush in that space between the sink and radiator. Sadly, it will never be found again. Perhaps if it had some type of remote retrieving device, I could have saved it...
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