So You Had a Bad Day

Can you imagine you get out of work early on a Wednesday afternoon and head home to your nice upper east side apartment? Not a care in the world feeling quite immortal as you sit in the shower and think about whether you will watch a replay of 'Baseball Tonight' or 'NFL Live' when you get out. Then, as you get out of the shower and start to dry off, deciding in your head whether you'd prefer melted cheese on bread from the microwave, or old school grilled cheese -which would require more work of course-while you watch ESPN.

Then you step into your room to get dressed and decide to take a peak out the window and across the street to see if the hot girl who lives across the way maybe got out early and also decided to shower at the same time, and who knows, maybe you catch a peak, or maybe she catches a peak (either way works for you). Of course, she has a real job, so she isn't there, and you return your focus to the task at hand - food and football. You turn around a little too quickly and stub your toe on the corner of the radiator. You know, the really antique metal radiators. The kind that not only makes your toe swell up immediately (yes, the pinky toe, the one that hurts like hell, but you cannot do anything about), but also breaks the nail on the toe and causes you to bleed. Kinda makes your foot look like one of those disgusting Lamasil commercials.

So now you are no longer enjoying your free afternoon. Instead you are on your knees in a towel looking under the sink for a bandaid to put on your toe. Of course, you forget that you left the cabinet above the sink open and as you stand up you slam your head into the open door. The kind of hit that makes you feel like your head split open, but really does no damage other than a headache. But enough of an impact that you now head into your kitchen to get some ice out of the freezer for the top of your head.

Of course your freezer is packed full with food that you will never eat. You know, the leftovers that your Mom couldn't get your Dad or siblings to eat, so she decided that she could convince you that she was doing you a favor giving you food for the apartment. Both of you know you will never eat it, but both of you also know that you would never insult her by not taking it. So you say, "Mom, I'm covered with food for the week, thanks anyway." And she responds, "that's OK honey, just throw it in the freezer. It will last forever." Which of course you do, and it of course does. Which is why you now have to stick your hand across the top of all the frozen goods to the back of the freezer for the ice tray without pushing any of the food out onto your feet. We all know how much THAT would hurt.

You conquer that task and now you are sitting on the couch, in a towel, with a bandaid on your toe and ice on your head, and of course you've now missed NFL Live AND Baseball Tonight, and the only thing on is a re-run of the Poker World Series and some Asian-Lesbian woman playing pool against herself. It's either the Asian-Lesbo, a re-run episodes of Dharma and Greg, or watching a stupid Chevy Chase National Lampoon's Vacation movie for the 210th time.

You are thinking to yourself how maybe you would have been better off just staying at work. But you convince yourself that if you can look out the window one more time and see if the girl across the street who leaves her shades open got home early, it would all be worth it. So you head to the window, and as you pull back your shades you see a 4 seat, single engine airplane barreling right at you...

Seriously, what are the chances of actually having this kind of day? All I know is some poor soul who died today on the Upper East Side of Manhattan has family who will have to explain his death by saying he died in a plane crash.

Friend: "Oh really! What happened? Where was the flight heading?"

Family: "Don't know. He wasn't on the plane. The plane actually crashed into him."

Friend: "Wow. Where was he? At the airport? On the ground somewhere?"

Family: "Nope. He was at home watching a Chevy Chase movie (you know you all would have picked that) and the plane came right through his window and took out his whole apartment."

Friend: "Wow. How many people died? Did the whole building come down?"

Family: Sighs heavily. "No, just him. Just his apartment. Plane actually came through his window and sat down on the couch. Landed right on the remote control and flipped to Dharma and Greg."

What a crappy day this guy just had...