Dr. Brown's vs. Dr. Pepper - The Truth!
Dr. Brown's or Dr. Pepper? This epic rivalry goes back many years and has caused more fights and confrontations than DUKE – UNC in Chapel Hill. Many proponents of each of these two sides have spent countless hours debating the issues. However, it is clear to me that this is not a debate, but rather a futile campaign launched by Dr. Pepper supporters in an attempt to gain recognition.
Dr. Brown's is a classy, upscale (and expensive) soft drink, whereas Dr. Pepper is a soda you can buy in a machine. You cannot buy a Dr. Brown's Black Cherry beverage in a machine, you cannot just place three quarters in a large mechanical box and receive a Dr. Brown's. Hell no! You must go to a Kosher Deli to get a Dr. Brown's Black Cherry. You don’t use quarters, you use a credit card, because that glass is going to cost you $4.00, no refills. If a glass of Dr. Pepper (you don’t drink Dr. Pepper in a glass, but for argument’s sake) cost you $4.00, you’d ask for tap water, yet Dr. Brown's is a no-brainer - $4.00? That’s a steal for such a magnificent flavor.
Now, my wise brother once pointed out that Dr. Brown's does suffer from one weakness, a weakness shared by all soft drinks. It does not last well. It will go flat quickly if left open too long. This is the sign of a gourmet drink. It is wonderful and gratifying, but not to be taken for granted. It must be noted as well, however, that a flat Dr. Pepper tastes not unlike tap water in a besieged Palestinian village.
Dr. Brown's is a graduate of Harvard Medical School earning his PhD with brilliance and efficiency along with a profound doctoral thesis on flavor and zest. Dr. Pepper received an honorary degree from the Liberal Arts College of Turkmenistan in recognition of his 30 years of service as the assistant to the janitor. Dr. Brown's lives on the Upper East side in a lavish two-floor apartment on E.88th Street . He is currently retired and spends 4 months a year in Florida and 6 months a year being paid as a consultant. He spends the final 2 months picking out which girl he wants to travel with for the other 10 months of the year. Dr. Pepper lives in a studio apartment in Jamaica, Queens. He came to this country from Turkmenistan with nothing, and…well... he still has nothing. During the week he sleeps till noon, checks the local paper for janitorial openings in local high schools and collects bottles and other garbage. On the weekends he sells little toys on the subways, but usually ends up getting severely beaten by an Asian woman who claims he is on her turf. He also thinks the Asian woman is his girlfriend.
In conclusion, this is not much of a debate. Dr. Brown's is a beverage for kings and ministers. Dr. Pepper is a drink for paupers and wannabes. Dr. Brown's is the sweet nectar of sovereignty. Dr. Pepper is what the American soldiers give to Iraqi prisoners after they mock them and beat them.
Feel free to weigh in on this issue.
Dr. Brown's is a classy, upscale (and expensive) soft drink, whereas Dr. Pepper is a soda you can buy in a machine. You cannot buy a Dr. Brown's Black Cherry beverage in a machine, you cannot just place three quarters in a large mechanical box and receive a Dr. Brown's. Hell no! You must go to a Kosher Deli to get a Dr. Brown's Black Cherry. You don’t use quarters, you use a credit card, because that glass is going to cost you $4.00, no refills. If a glass of Dr. Pepper (you don’t drink Dr. Pepper in a glass, but for argument’s sake) cost you $4.00, you’d ask for tap water, yet Dr. Brown's is a no-brainer - $4.00? That’s a steal for such a magnificent flavor.
Now, my wise brother once pointed out that Dr. Brown's does suffer from one weakness, a weakness shared by all soft drinks. It does not last well. It will go flat quickly if left open too long. This is the sign of a gourmet drink. It is wonderful and gratifying, but not to be taken for granted. It must be noted as well, however, that a flat Dr. Pepper tastes not unlike tap water in a besieged Palestinian village.
Dr. Brown's is a graduate of Harvard Medical School earning his PhD with brilliance and efficiency along with a profound doctoral thesis on flavor and zest. Dr. Pepper received an honorary degree from the Liberal Arts College of Turkmenistan in recognition of his 30 years of service as the assistant to the janitor. Dr. Brown's lives on the Upper East side in a lavish two-floor apartment on E.88th Street . He is currently retired and spends 4 months a year in Florida and 6 months a year being paid as a consultant. He spends the final 2 months picking out which girl he wants to travel with for the other 10 months of the year. Dr. Pepper lives in a studio apartment in Jamaica, Queens. He came to this country from Turkmenistan with nothing, and…well... he still has nothing. During the week he sleeps till noon, checks the local paper for janitorial openings in local high schools and collects bottles and other garbage. On the weekends he sells little toys on the subways, but usually ends up getting severely beaten by an Asian woman who claims he is on her turf. He also thinks the Asian woman is his girlfriend.
In conclusion, this is not much of a debate. Dr. Brown's is a beverage for kings and ministers. Dr. Pepper is a drink for paupers and wannabes. Dr. Brown's is the sweet nectar of sovereignty. Dr. Pepper is what the American soldiers give to Iraqi prisoners after they mock them and beat them.
Feel free to weigh in on this issue.
posted by EDS | 9:42 PM
1 Comments:
The weakness that Dr. Brown does suffer from is clearly acknowledged by the creator of the product. Yet they also realize that they give us a product far superior to anything on the market. They do not want to start adjusting what is already a perfect product. Just look at what happened to the NBA when they decided to try and improve something that was good. To reduce the impact of the problem, Dr. Brown does not make a 2 liter bottle. With its refreshing, gourmet taste, there is no reason why any of smaller bottle or can should remain at the end of the sitting. It is like NCAA vs NBA; less is more. Lastly, at the end of the day, a half flat Dr. Brown is still far and above any other soft drinks on the market.
Harry Wiener
Post a Comment
<< Home