Pompous Jackasses

This is a post I wrote a while back that I feel needs repeating...

Here’s a group of individuals that needs to be eliminated. These exact same people who NEED to be made fun of and abused emotionally, are the very same people who get offended and force such talk out of any medium of communication. These people can be classified quite simply – they are people who take themselves way too seriously.

I don’t like these people. In fact I despise their existence. I spend lots of free time trying to figure out ways to provoke and mistreat them. I figure if they are going to be jackasses, they might as well amuse me, like the real jackasses. The only difference is that on MTV when a “Jackass” burns himself with a cigarette or is force-fed live goldfish, it’s by choice; when these real-life-jackasses I speak of are forced to eat live animals, or are thrown from moving vehicles, it is by MY choice, not theirs.

These are the same idiots who go to town hall meetings and raise their hands to volunteer as chairmen of different community functions. That’s right the shmuck who told you that the fence you want to build around your house may have a zoning issue – he’s not a lawyer, he’s not a judge, he doesn’t even have any authority – he’s simply an a**hole who raised his hand at a meeting of 5 people and volunteered to chair the “Pre-Real Decision, Unimportant Zoning Board”. He gets a business card, stationary and a free prescription of Enzyte. He begins to walk around town with his shoulders held a little higher, and even a slight bounce in his step. This sad human needs to be brought back down to reality. This man needs to be kicked in the nuts.

This is the same type of person who tells you to “please take your seat” at community functions. I am not a two-year old. If I feel like sitting, I’ll sit. If I want to stand, I will stand. If you can’t concentrate on your little uneducated, amateurish rambling because I’m standing when you asked me not to, well that’s too freaking bad. You are a person. You are not more important than any other person in the room. You are very much like the driver who cuts people off on his way to work, and we all know where he ends up. (See Here).

Often times these morons can’t achieve satisfaction in their own personal lives. They never make the school athletic team, they don’t get into their first choice of college and they end up working a dead-end job with little advancement opportunity. They will always have a boss at work, and their wives are constantly telling them what to do. Therefore, under the guise of getting involved in the community, they must take out this frustration of always being a follower on the people around them who do not give a crap.

If you notice, it’s never a happy, successful and fulfilled person who is the self-appointed community bulletin chairman. No – it’s usually a miserable prick. The same miserable prick who coaches your son’s little league team every year even though he doesn’t even have a kid that age (“he loves to coach the kids”). The same prick that comes to community functions wearing his pride in his position as Co-chair of the Society for Acts of Vandalism and Other Rude Behavior on his sleeve along with a gay pin acknowledging the same. He claims to be goal-oriented, but has never achieved a goal in his life. These people need to be phased out. Even if just one at a time. So take a stand. Don’t allow these people to take themselves too seriously at your expense. And if they do, make sure you have a little fun, at their expense…