My Night Without Phone, Internet and Cable
I moved yesterday. Moving sucks.
There were actually a good four or five times during the day where I tried to sneak off and go to work, and each time my wife would see me starting to get my stuff together and say something to the tune of, "like hell you're going anywhere before this stuff is moved out of the apartment." Then the stuff is finally on the truck and on the way to the new house, and again I make my move to get out... "If you leave, I will be changing the locks BEFORE you get back." So I missed work yesterday, and actually MISSED it in the true sense of the word. Few things are worse than packing up your whole life and moving it elsewhere. Truth is, few things are better either...
Anyway, we moved yesterday which means that phone, internet, cable, etc are not going to be set up till today. You got it...my worst nightmare - no cable last night.
Phone I can live without. I have a cell phone on which people I give a crap to talk to know how to reach me. If I don't want to talk to that person, I can click the phone to voicemail which is a great feature. The click to voicemail feature on cell phones deserves a paragraph, so here it is:
This feature is awesome for a couple of reasons. First, (since cell phones have caller ID) you can see who is calling and decide instantaneously that you are too busy to talk even if you are sitting on your couch watching a replay of the 2001 Byung Yung Kim special on YES.
Second, you can actually insult people you don't wish to speak to by clicking off early. You see, when you click off a cell phone to voicemail, everyone knows it didn't ring out. When you call a cell phone and it rings out, it will usually ring about 6 or 7 times before going to voicemail. Usually if clicked to voicemail, it's a 2-3 ring maximum, and is very abrupt and rude. That's why I love it. When it's family or close friend and you click off, they generally know you are busy and that you will call back. But when it's a not-so-close friend or relative, and you click off, it's like a big "F.U." with a hint of "you really think you're important enough to my life for me to pick up the phone while I'm watching Chuck Knoblauch hit the biggest 3-run homer of his life for the 4ooth time?" Whatever - great feature.
Anyway, phone I can live without. No phone calls from rednecks down south badly mispronouncing my name and trying to get me to sign up for some kind of investment. Seriously, if someone calls you with a big-time southern drawl, don't you automatically assume a deduction of like 45% of their brain cells from the average normal human amount? There is no way in hell someone who sounds half-retarded like that is going to convince me what to do with my money. "Sir, how 'bout we go ahead 'n sign yas up fir one of our here financial plans. You and ya'all family would git 'bout say a percentage return of righ' round three percents. Can we go ahead 'n sign yas up fir that sir?" Jesus...
Internet is a little tougher, but I can get by. I am a big email person and do a lot of my communicating via email. You might say it's because I'm antisocial and afraid to deal with people in a reality setting such as face to face or on the phone, but I would say screw you - it's because emails I can answer at my own convenience, think through the response, and ultimately - ignore and pretend I never received. However, cell phones have another great feature. I can actually check my email through my cell phone (though replying is a real pain in the tuches with the phone pad).
Cable - this was bad. I've gotten hooked on being able to watch a sports event or movie I like at basically anytime during the day or night. I felt like an withdrawing alcoholic with Delirious Tremens last night when I didn't have my fix of college basketball or Animal House. I was too tired to unpack, my 2 year old was too excited to sleep and I had no way of relaxing or calming him down. Usually a little basketball, baseball or football calms him down before bed. I basically spent most of the night pacing around the house trying to think of something to do, but to no avail. I know old people like to blabber about the times before TV, but seriously - what did you people do? Why I am even bothering to ask old people a question in a blog is beyond me, but there it is.
Finally, when all was quiet, I sat down on the couch and took a deep breath. I reached for the remote that was not there, to turn on the TV that was still in a box to watch a channel that was not being installed until today. I went upstairs and went to sleep. What a miserable night I thought, until I woke up this morning without the hangover of having stayed up until 2am watching Arizona State play another West Coast team at an ungodly East Coast time.
There were actually a good four or five times during the day where I tried to sneak off and go to work, and each time my wife would see me starting to get my stuff together and say something to the tune of, "like hell you're going anywhere before this stuff is moved out of the apartment." Then the stuff is finally on the truck and on the way to the new house, and again I make my move to get out... "If you leave, I will be changing the locks BEFORE you get back." So I missed work yesterday, and actually MISSED it in the true sense of the word. Few things are worse than packing up your whole life and moving it elsewhere. Truth is, few things are better either...
Anyway, we moved yesterday which means that phone, internet, cable, etc are not going to be set up till today. You got it...my worst nightmare - no cable last night.
Phone I can live without. I have a cell phone on which people I give a crap to talk to know how to reach me. If I don't want to talk to that person, I can click the phone to voicemail which is a great feature. The click to voicemail feature on cell phones deserves a paragraph, so here it is:
This feature is awesome for a couple of reasons. First, (since cell phones have caller ID) you can see who is calling and decide instantaneously that you are too busy to talk even if you are sitting on your couch watching a replay of the 2001 Byung Yung Kim special on YES.
Second, you can actually insult people you don't wish to speak to by clicking off early. You see, when you click off a cell phone to voicemail, everyone knows it didn't ring out. When you call a cell phone and it rings out, it will usually ring about 6 or 7 times before going to voicemail. Usually if clicked to voicemail, it's a 2-3 ring maximum, and is very abrupt and rude. That's why I love it. When it's family or close friend and you click off, they generally know you are busy and that you will call back. But when it's a not-so-close friend or relative, and you click off, it's like a big "F.U." with a hint of "you really think you're important enough to my life for me to pick up the phone while I'm watching Chuck Knoblauch hit the biggest 3-run homer of his life for the 4ooth time?" Whatever - great feature.
Anyway, phone I can live without. No phone calls from rednecks down south badly mispronouncing my name and trying to get me to sign up for some kind of investment. Seriously, if someone calls you with a big-time southern drawl, don't you automatically assume a deduction of like 45% of their brain cells from the average normal human amount? There is no way in hell someone who sounds half-retarded like that is going to convince me what to do with my money. "Sir, how 'bout we go ahead 'n sign yas up fir one of our here financial plans. You and ya'all family would git 'bout say a percentage return of righ' round three percents. Can we go ahead 'n sign yas up fir that sir?" Jesus...
Internet is a little tougher, but I can get by. I am a big email person and do a lot of my communicating via email. You might say it's because I'm antisocial and afraid to deal with people in a reality setting such as face to face or on the phone, but I would say screw you - it's because emails I can answer at my own convenience, think through the response, and ultimately - ignore and pretend I never received. However, cell phones have another great feature. I can actually check my email through my cell phone (though replying is a real pain in the tuches with the phone pad).
Cable - this was bad. I've gotten hooked on being able to watch a sports event or movie I like at basically anytime during the day or night. I felt like an withdrawing alcoholic with Delirious Tremens last night when I didn't have my fix of college basketball or Animal House. I was too tired to unpack, my 2 year old was too excited to sleep and I had no way of relaxing or calming him down. Usually a little basketball, baseball or football calms him down before bed. I basically spent most of the night pacing around the house trying to think of something to do, but to no avail. I know old people like to blabber about the times before TV, but seriously - what did you people do? Why I am even bothering to ask old people a question in a blog is beyond me, but there it is.
Finally, when all was quiet, I sat down on the couch and took a deep breath. I reached for the remote that was not there, to turn on the TV that was still in a box to watch a channel that was not being installed until today. I went upstairs and went to sleep. What a miserable night I thought, until I woke up this morning without the hangover of having stayed up until 2am watching Arizona State play another West Coast team at an ungodly East Coast time.
posted by EDS | 10:39 AM
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