I Have No Time For You
I've been busy, so back off.
I. I just got back from a business trip. I hate flying. I've told you that already. I'm sure you will hear more about it in the future. Two things about my flight home:
a. There was a woman who got on the plane who was so freaking fat that she had to turn sideways to walk down the aisle. I swear to you, this woman was gigantic. I didn't turn around to look (I'll explain why in a minute in section b.) but I cannot imagine how she fit into a coach seat. It should be a law that if you are that fat you should have to pay for a first class seat. Better yet, they should just strap you to the outside of the aircraft. I pity the poor soul who had her overhanging blob stuffed in next to him.
b. I sat next to a young couple. Probably mid-20's or so. They spent the entire flight more than making out. I'm talking hands down the pants, etc... Now, a few years ago this would have made me uncomfortable and perhaps would have caused me to keep my head facing the opposite direction for the entire 2 and half hour flight. Not anymore. These things no longer bother me for a few reasons:
i. I'm older and more mature and know more
ii. I am married with 2 kids; Been there done that
iii. I'm always looking for entertainment value in things - even things like this
So anyway, this couple was literally all over each other the entire flight. It was quite exciting. I kept looking over to see how far the guy was getting because I wanted to make sure when I retold the story, that I didn't have to make any parts up. Needless to say, it got too dirty to write over. I know the bathrooms are small on these domestic flights, but please, I'm sitting right here. So of course, every few minutes I would look over and give them the "I'm sitting right F%&*ing here" look (note: I made sure before I started the process that I was bigger than the guy. I could kick his ass if necessary, so I proceeded).
This guy was working real hard. This wasn't you ordinary make-out session. This guy was pulling out (no pun intended) all the tricks. I'm going to spare my parents the embarrassment and not go into detail here, but he was doing the "lean over to look out the window" gimmick, the "hold my hand, which happens to be on my inner thigh" trick and even the old and overused "whisper in the ear" move. Pathetic. Apparently this guy is desperate.
II. Ok, this post is starting to look like a law school outline with all the letters and numbers. Screw this.
I. I just got back from a business trip. I hate flying. I've told you that already. I'm sure you will hear more about it in the future. Two things about my flight home:
a. There was a woman who got on the plane who was so freaking fat that she had to turn sideways to walk down the aisle. I swear to you, this woman was gigantic. I didn't turn around to look (I'll explain why in a minute in section b.) but I cannot imagine how she fit into a coach seat. It should be a law that if you are that fat you should have to pay for a first class seat. Better yet, they should just strap you to the outside of the aircraft. I pity the poor soul who had her overhanging blob stuffed in next to him.
b. I sat next to a young couple. Probably mid-20's or so. They spent the entire flight more than making out. I'm talking hands down the pants, etc... Now, a few years ago this would have made me uncomfortable and perhaps would have caused me to keep my head facing the opposite direction for the entire 2 and half hour flight. Not anymore. These things no longer bother me for a few reasons:
i. I'm older and more mature and know more
ii. I am married with 2 kids; Been there done that
iii. I'm always looking for entertainment value in things - even things like this
So anyway, this couple was literally all over each other the entire flight. It was quite exciting. I kept looking over to see how far the guy was getting because I wanted to make sure when I retold the story, that I didn't have to make any parts up. Needless to say, it got too dirty to write over. I know the bathrooms are small on these domestic flights, but please, I'm sitting right here. So of course, every few minutes I would look over and give them the "I'm sitting right F%&*ing here" look (note: I made sure before I started the process that I was bigger than the guy. I could kick his ass if necessary, so I proceeded).
This guy was working real hard. This wasn't you ordinary make-out session. This guy was pulling out (no pun intended) all the tricks. I'm going to spare my parents the embarrassment and not go into detail here, but he was doing the "lean over to look out the window" gimmick, the "hold my hand, which happens to be on my inner thigh" trick and even the old and overused "whisper in the ear" move. Pathetic. Apparently this guy is desperate.
II. Ok, this post is starting to look like a law school outline with all the letters and numbers. Screw this.
posted by EDS | 11:38 AM
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