Reality TV Could be Entertaining If…
Last night I got stuck watching parts of ‘American Idol’. I only like this show the first few weeks when people’s dreams get crushed because for some reason they think they have talent, when in reality they sound like a wounded elephant after the poachers ran away with his tusks. The William Hung project was my idea first, they just stole it.
My wife was watching, however, and the game I wanted to watch was still early in the first half, so I waited it out rather than switching to the bedroom.
Of course, while I was watching, thoughts on how to improve the show and other reality TV shows popped into my head. I figured I would share some in the hopes that you will share some of yours as well.
‘American Idol’ – My first idea was for a new ‘American Idol’ show. This one would be for people with Tourette's Syndrome. Now I am not making fun of people with this horrible disease, but come on, how funny would it be to have a bunch of people out there on stage trying to sing and interrupting themselves with profanities every minute or so. I know it is cold and mean – but honestly – you would watch and you would be entertained, so you’re just as evil as I am.
‘Survivor’ – this is a show I’ve actually never seen, so I cannot rightfully judge it and I will not. From the millions of commercials I’ve seen, I gather it has to do with people finding unique ways to outlast each other in different areas of the world each season. I won’t doubt that this could be entertaining. But what if there was death and serious injury involved? What if people really had to survive? What if people actually gave up, not because they are lesser men, or spoiled girls from LA, but because they gave into the fear of possible impalement? I’ve seen some of the tasks they have to perform on previews, they’re physically challenging, no doubt. But are they really causing one to survive? I don’t think so. They are merely outlasting each other in different physical challenges. The show should be called Outlast, not Survivor. The guy who cut his arm off to save his life when he got stuck under a boulder was a survivor.
Someone who jumps out of a plane without a parachute and tries to catch up to the person who jumped with a parachute is ballsy. Now if that person who jumped with the parachute is trying to avoid the one without the parachute in order to win and move on… or survive…(are we following now)… that’s a competition with real entertainment value. A mid-air fight over one parachute. The possibilities are endless. Well not endless, but there is a high possibility of injury and/or death – this is entertaining. Now I know this may be hard on the stomach, which is why I propose using prison inmates the first season. This would help soften the blow on the American public before we move on to the citizens of the State of California.
‘Fear Factor’ – Please! There is not one episode of this that I’ve watched where I thought to myself, “Wow! I’d really be scared to do that.” Maybe if they didn’t spend so much time showing the viewer all the safety precautions taken to ensure against injury there could be some excitement. Eating bugs and crap is gross, but not scary. Be a man, scarf it down, go back to your room and make yourself throw up. The Olson twins do it multiple times a day and that’s about the only part of their lives they haven’t made a show out of – because it’s just not entertaining enough. Most of the so called stunts on this show actually look kind of fun – but they do not instill fear.
Fear is defined as a feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger. Imminent danger – the words themselves make me shudder. That’s what ‘Fear Factor’ needs to be about. Come to think of it, it could be very similar to Survivor, but without the element of competition. Simply a couple of people facing true, imminent danger - and us the viewer, hanging on every second to see if they make it. Come to think of it, the viewer should get a vote – kind of like the old gladiator system where the arena would erupt into a chant of ‘live’ or ‘die’. The show could be done live. Throw a couple of sorry bastards (preferably steroid enhanced ex-baseball players, or hockey players – they’re not doing much these days anyway) into a ring with lions and other crap. Then from the comfort of my sofa I, along with millions of viewers can simply press #555 on my mobile phone and vote as to whether each contestant lives or dies. If America votes for you to live – you win. Not a prize, though. You just get to live to the next week. You are competing for the ultimate purpose, to entertain the crowd. You, my friend are a true gladiator. Congratulations - watch out for the big retarded kid we let out of the mental institution with a chainsaw, he’s coming at you fast.
‘My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss’ – This show was perfect. I don’t know why it got pulled. It was everything I ever wanted in a reality show. Uppity, holier than thou, pretentious, cliché-using pricks from rich suburban areas (with a couple of token minorities) being tricked big time. They are caught taking things way too seriously, and are thoroughly embarrassed over and over again on national TV. Whoever pulled that show should be forced to compete in the new gladiator version of ‘Fear Factor’. "Get the HELL out of my office."
‘The Real World’ – this is not the real world. This is a bunch of spoiled kids living in a house together playing games and sleeping around. The real world would be watching how these kids screwed up their lives enough to get to a point where they resort to living in a house with a bunch of other losers who couldn’t find a job after college. Perhaps the real world would be watching one of them being beaten by his father for not getting an A on a test in 4th grade and then seeing him drinking in college instead of going to class because he was rebelling against authority. The real world would be seeing a girl not being allowed to go out till she is 18 by her overprotective parents and then seeing her waking up in a frat house 2 weeks into college after a keg party. The real world would be watching the kid who’s dream was to be a college athlete not get any scholarship offers, go to city college instead and give up athletics. Then watch him dive deeply into drugs and alcohol, come out of the closet, and then apply to be on an MTV show because he’s got no other purpose in life. That would be the real world, and entertaining television.
‘The Apprentice’ – See ‘My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss’ above to see how this show should be run.
Anyway, that’s some of the things I would change. If you have any ideas feel free to add them in….
My wife was watching, however, and the game I wanted to watch was still early in the first half, so I waited it out rather than switching to the bedroom.
Of course, while I was watching, thoughts on how to improve the show and other reality TV shows popped into my head. I figured I would share some in the hopes that you will share some of yours as well.
‘American Idol’ – My first idea was for a new ‘American Idol’ show. This one would be for people with Tourette's Syndrome. Now I am not making fun of people with this horrible disease, but come on, how funny would it be to have a bunch of people out there on stage trying to sing and interrupting themselves with profanities every minute or so. I know it is cold and mean – but honestly – you would watch and you would be entertained, so you’re just as evil as I am.
‘Survivor’ – this is a show I’ve actually never seen, so I cannot rightfully judge it and I will not. From the millions of commercials I’ve seen, I gather it has to do with people finding unique ways to outlast each other in different areas of the world each season. I won’t doubt that this could be entertaining. But what if there was death and serious injury involved? What if people really had to survive? What if people actually gave up, not because they are lesser men, or spoiled girls from LA, but because they gave into the fear of possible impalement? I’ve seen some of the tasks they have to perform on previews, they’re physically challenging, no doubt. But are they really causing one to survive? I don’t think so. They are merely outlasting each other in different physical challenges. The show should be called Outlast, not Survivor. The guy who cut his arm off to save his life when he got stuck under a boulder was a survivor.
Someone who jumps out of a plane without a parachute and tries to catch up to the person who jumped with a parachute is ballsy. Now if that person who jumped with the parachute is trying to avoid the one without the parachute in order to win and move on… or survive…(are we following now)… that’s a competition with real entertainment value. A mid-air fight over one parachute. The possibilities are endless. Well not endless, but there is a high possibility of injury and/or death – this is entertaining. Now I know this may be hard on the stomach, which is why I propose using prison inmates the first season. This would help soften the blow on the American public before we move on to the citizens of the State of California.
‘Fear Factor’ – Please! There is not one episode of this that I’ve watched where I thought to myself, “Wow! I’d really be scared to do that.” Maybe if they didn’t spend so much time showing the viewer all the safety precautions taken to ensure against injury there could be some excitement. Eating bugs and crap is gross, but not scary. Be a man, scarf it down, go back to your room and make yourself throw up. The Olson twins do it multiple times a day and that’s about the only part of their lives they haven’t made a show out of – because it’s just not entertaining enough. Most of the so called stunts on this show actually look kind of fun – but they do not instill fear.
Fear is defined as a feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger. Imminent danger – the words themselves make me shudder. That’s what ‘Fear Factor’ needs to be about. Come to think of it, it could be very similar to Survivor, but without the element of competition. Simply a couple of people facing true, imminent danger - and us the viewer, hanging on every second to see if they make it. Come to think of it, the viewer should get a vote – kind of like the old gladiator system where the arena would erupt into a chant of ‘live’ or ‘die’. The show could be done live. Throw a couple of sorry bastards (preferably steroid enhanced ex-baseball players, or hockey players – they’re not doing much these days anyway) into a ring with lions and other crap. Then from the comfort of my sofa I, along with millions of viewers can simply press #555 on my mobile phone and vote as to whether each contestant lives or dies. If America votes for you to live – you win. Not a prize, though. You just get to live to the next week. You are competing for the ultimate purpose, to entertain the crowd. You, my friend are a true gladiator. Congratulations - watch out for the big retarded kid we let out of the mental institution with a chainsaw, he’s coming at you fast.
‘My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss’ – This show was perfect. I don’t know why it got pulled. It was everything I ever wanted in a reality show. Uppity, holier than thou, pretentious, cliché-using pricks from rich suburban areas (with a couple of token minorities) being tricked big time. They are caught taking things way too seriously, and are thoroughly embarrassed over and over again on national TV. Whoever pulled that show should be forced to compete in the new gladiator version of ‘Fear Factor’. "Get the HELL out of my office."
‘The Real World’ – this is not the real world. This is a bunch of spoiled kids living in a house together playing games and sleeping around. The real world would be watching how these kids screwed up their lives enough to get to a point where they resort to living in a house with a bunch of other losers who couldn’t find a job after college. Perhaps the real world would be watching one of them being beaten by his father for not getting an A on a test in 4th grade and then seeing him drinking in college instead of going to class because he was rebelling against authority. The real world would be seeing a girl not being allowed to go out till she is 18 by her overprotective parents and then seeing her waking up in a frat house 2 weeks into college after a keg party. The real world would be watching the kid who’s dream was to be a college athlete not get any scholarship offers, go to city college instead and give up athletics. Then watch him dive deeply into drugs and alcohol, come out of the closet, and then apply to be on an MTV show because he’s got no other purpose in life. That would be the real world, and entertaining television.
‘The Apprentice’ – See ‘My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss’ above to see how this show should be run.
Anyway, that’s some of the things I would change. If you have any ideas feel free to add them in….
posted by EDS | 9:52 AM
2 Comments:
I agree strongly that ‘My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss’ is the perfect reality TV show. What makes it so great is that the people do what they do without knowing the premise. Survivor and Fear Factor have people acting a certain way because they know the ultimate reward and so do we. How many times do you watch Fear Factor and say that what they do isn't worth the $50k. But if you watched them do it saying that they need the $50k to pay off student loans and we knew that all they get is a t-shirt that says "I was on Fear FActor," that would be great. Having everyone play against eachother while they are the ones being played is a great concept.
Another show that was pretty good was the show where the girl had to take her obnoxious slob of a boyfriend (he was an actor) and pretend that they were engaged and get up to the point of the wedding without letting it slip. Very funny concept. So many people got played in it and everyone ended up fighting with their families.
This blog is accepting donations so that we can buy Voom from Cablevision and make it all reality, all the time. We can also take a newborn and make a Truman Show kind of channel and just never let him watch the Truman Show. And then when he turns 18, make him watch the Truman Show and see if he figures it out.
AJS
How about a reality show about Blogging? Bloggers with brains get placed on an island somewhere along with annoying-pop-up-drizzle-my-shnizzle Bloggers, and get to beat the piss out of them. Hell, I'd probably tape it so I could watch it over and over again.
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