General R. Blie's Worst Sports Movies Ever...
Before I begin, I would just like to add a number of honorable mentions in the good sports movie category (thanks to the people who submitted comments for reminding me of some of these):
Ali, Days of Thunder, Dodgeball, Karate Kid, Pride of the Yankees, The Scout, The Cutting Edge, Varsity Blues
Also – Baseketball (Although I can see the argument that this not being a sports movie)
I was shocked that no one mentioned Dodgeball. H mentioned The Longest Yard and North Dallas Forty. I have heard that these are both great movies, but unfortunately, I haven’t seen them so I couldn’t honestly put them on my list. In addition to these two, I would also like to see Friday Night Lights. From what I have heard, this has a legitimate shot at making the list. As I see more movies (and as a law student, movie watching takes up most of my day), I am sure this list will be amended.
And now to complete the subject of sports movies – Here are the 10 worst sports movies ever:
10. Mystery, Alaska – A great cast only makes this more of a disappointment. Maybe I am just not enough of a hockey fan to appreciate this one (perhaps, AJS disagrees).
9. The kids movies – Sports movies for kids are either great (see Cool Runnings, Bad News Bears, Little Giants or Mighty Ducks) or horrible. Here are some of the worst:
a. Air Bud – A dog plays basketball. Enough said.
b. Like Mike – A kid plays basketball. Enough said.
c. Eddie – Whoopi Goldberg coaches basketball. Enough said.
I could have filled the top 10 with bad kids movies alone (Rookie of the Year, Angels in the Outfield, any Bad News Bears or Mighty Ducks sequel), but I wanted to focus on a broader range of movies.
8. Hardball – This is just bad. I know it’s a kids movie, but its so bad it deserves its own category. Take The Mighty Ducks and remove anything entertaining, and you have Hardball.
7. Driven – This is the Sylvester Stallone racing movie. He should really stick to movies like Rocky, where he doesn’t have to speak in sentences.
6. Rocky V – Again, Stallone tries to talk and the movie is just awful. Rocky was a classic. Rocky II – IV are not on the same level, but they are all great. And then comes Rocky V. This should not even be called Rocky. The boxing was awful and the final street fight was ridiculous. Ending the series with Rocky representing the entire US against the Russian Drago would have been perfect. Instead, they finish with Rocky beating the crap out of a pathetic Tommy Gunn in the back of a bar. Terrible.
5. Side Out – The Olympics learned an important lesson from this movie. Beach Volleyball by girls in bikinis – Exciting. Beach Volleyball by guys in Speedos – Boring.
4. Bull Durham – I know most people thought this was a great movie, but they are wrong. It wasn’t. It was boring and not funny. After watching Major League, Bull Durham falls severely short. It is torture sitting through the movie to get to the two scenes that are entertaining (i.e., the “I told him the pitch” scene and the shower room pep talk scene). I know #4 is quite low for this movie, but every time someone discusses how great it is, just makes me despise it more and drop it lower.
3. Tin Cup – Just bad all around. Too much time spent on the romantic side plot (which was boring in itself), and the sports plot was just dumb. I have never been able to sit through this entire movie in one sitting. Redeeming feature – Cheech.
2. Still, We Believe – The 2004 Red Sox Documentary. I may be biased on this one.
1. The Fan – Even really great actors (Robert De Niro and Wesley Snipes) could not make this movie even barely enjoyable. They should show this to prisoners in Guantanamo (even then, making them sit through the entire movie would be too cruel.)
Some honorable mentions in the worst movie category:
Celtic Pride, The Air Up There, The Legend of Bagger Vance, Wimbledon
I am happy to hear from anyone who disagrees with this list, as long as they don’t ask me to sit through these movies again.
--General R. Blie
Ali, Days of Thunder, Dodgeball, Karate Kid, Pride of the Yankees, The Scout, The Cutting Edge, Varsity Blues
Also – Baseketball (Although I can see the argument that this not being a sports movie)
I was shocked that no one mentioned Dodgeball. H mentioned The Longest Yard and North Dallas Forty. I have heard that these are both great movies, but unfortunately, I haven’t seen them so I couldn’t honestly put them on my list. In addition to these two, I would also like to see Friday Night Lights. From what I have heard, this has a legitimate shot at making the list. As I see more movies (and as a law student, movie watching takes up most of my day), I am sure this list will be amended.
And now to complete the subject of sports movies – Here are the 10 worst sports movies ever:
10. Mystery, Alaska – A great cast only makes this more of a disappointment. Maybe I am just not enough of a hockey fan to appreciate this one (perhaps, AJS disagrees).
9. The kids movies – Sports movies for kids are either great (see Cool Runnings, Bad News Bears, Little Giants or Mighty Ducks) or horrible. Here are some of the worst:
a. Air Bud – A dog plays basketball. Enough said.
b. Like Mike – A kid plays basketball. Enough said.
c. Eddie – Whoopi Goldberg coaches basketball. Enough said.
I could have filled the top 10 with bad kids movies alone (Rookie of the Year, Angels in the Outfield, any Bad News Bears or Mighty Ducks sequel), but I wanted to focus on a broader range of movies.
8. Hardball – This is just bad. I know it’s a kids movie, but its so bad it deserves its own category. Take The Mighty Ducks and remove anything entertaining, and you have Hardball.
7. Driven – This is the Sylvester Stallone racing movie. He should really stick to movies like Rocky, where he doesn’t have to speak in sentences.
6. Rocky V – Again, Stallone tries to talk and the movie is just awful. Rocky was a classic. Rocky II – IV are not on the same level, but they are all great. And then comes Rocky V. This should not even be called Rocky. The boxing was awful and the final street fight was ridiculous. Ending the series with Rocky representing the entire US against the Russian Drago would have been perfect. Instead, they finish with Rocky beating the crap out of a pathetic Tommy Gunn in the back of a bar. Terrible.
5. Side Out – The Olympics learned an important lesson from this movie. Beach Volleyball by girls in bikinis – Exciting. Beach Volleyball by guys in Speedos – Boring.
4. Bull Durham – I know most people thought this was a great movie, but they are wrong. It wasn’t. It was boring and not funny. After watching Major League, Bull Durham falls severely short. It is torture sitting through the movie to get to the two scenes that are entertaining (i.e., the “I told him the pitch” scene and the shower room pep talk scene). I know #4 is quite low for this movie, but every time someone discusses how great it is, just makes me despise it more and drop it lower.
3. Tin Cup – Just bad all around. Too much time spent on the romantic side plot (which was boring in itself), and the sports plot was just dumb. I have never been able to sit through this entire movie in one sitting. Redeeming feature – Cheech.
2. Still, We Believe – The 2004 Red Sox Documentary. I may be biased on this one.
1. The Fan – Even really great actors (Robert De Niro and Wesley Snipes) could not make this movie even barely enjoyable. They should show this to prisoners in Guantanamo (even then, making them sit through the entire movie would be too cruel.)
Some honorable mentions in the worst movie category:
Celtic Pride, The Air Up There, The Legend of Bagger Vance, Wimbledon
I am happy to hear from anyone who disagrees with this list, as long as they don’t ask me to sit through these movies again.
--General R. Blie
posted by EDS | 5:42 PM
3 Comments:
Rollerball, Rookie of the Year... I had more in mind... I'll remember them later...
Little Big League? Any thoughts?
I actually liked it, because even though it was a kids movie,
a. it was Major League baseball
b. The Baseball was real. In other words, no Sci-Fi stuff which usually plagues kids movies, like in Angels in the Outfield, Sixth man, Space-Jam, etc.
In addition, the movie expresses rather nicely the one dream iof every kid growing up in America: to be in the Major Leagues. A movie like Rookie of the Year doesn't do that. What happens in ROTY is completely unrealistic. Little Big League is a kid who becomes a MANAGER. It's brilliant: A way in which a kid fulfills his dream of being in the Big Leagues without the movie being over the top unrealistic. That's the great thing about this movie - it theoretically could actually happen!
Loved it.
What about the worst sports movie being Eddie. That was just a flat out horrible movie. It is an embarrassment even for the Knicks.
Mystery, Alaska is an awful movie. My only disagreement is how bad it is. I think it is closer to the 5th worst movie. It embarrasses the sport of hockey.
As for Dodgeball, that was clearly an oversight as that is just a great movie. It really brought back the sport. Just ask anyone who played in all the newly formed dodgeball leagues.
2 Other oversights- Seabiscuit which was a great movie and Rounders (poker is on ESPN and therefore is a sport). Both are great movies. Rounders is one of the top 10 best movies if poker is included.
AJS
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