Of Yanks, White Trash, Taiwan and Bar Review, huh?
Nobody's been on here in a while, eh?
Today was day 1 of my Summer of Pain, and it certainly lived up to the immature name I gave it. I got home from the Yankee game last night in time to watch Yankee's Encore (brought to you by W.B. Mason - which in case they don't tell you enough times, stands for 'Who But' - which can be a blog in and of itself on self-confidence and ego). The game was good (4-2 Yankees win) with an extremely exciting "Jeterian" catch (as the down syndrome kid that looks like John Sterling that they put in the CBS booth this season with Suzyn Waldman - who by the way, I could hear screeching and yapping from my seats off of first base last night). Side note - one of the greatest things about having cable tv is not having to listen to Sterling every night go - "that is deep to left, it is highhhh, it is farrrrr, that ball isssssss gonnnn - caught 20 feet in front of the wall by the left fielder - I gotta tell ya Suzyn, I thought that ball was gone, the wind must have brought it back into the park. Sometimes from the angle we are at, is is hard to tell, we've only been here for like 25 years, so we're still trying to get the angles down." Meanwhile, I go to a bunch of games a year, by no means do I sit through nearly as many as Sterling, and by the 2nd or 3rd inning of each game (and often a different seat each time) I can track the ball after it's hit without a problem. And if he's having so much trouble - do what most other people do, look at the freaking outfielders!
Though the game was solid and exciting, the highlight of the game was not the beautiful 3 run Yankee inning to take the lead, or even Jeter's ridiculous Mays like catch in centerfield while trampling Robinson Cano. Nope, it was the drunk guy in front of me during G-d Bless America at the 7th inning stretch. Let me back up and draw this out for you - it's worth it.
The whole game these annoying Taiwanese people three rows down, 1 section over (of course right in our line of vision to the plate) are holding a flag (Taiwanese i guess - but who knows, I think it had blue on it and a star or something, maybe some yellow, who gives a crap, it wasn't American and didn't have my name on it, so it was annoying) everytime Chow Ming King Wang (or whatever his name is) would throw a pitch. Of course we and everyone else would yell sit down every time, but they did not understand English.
Anyway, in the 7th inning they play G-d Bless America and the drunken white trash in the crowd, as they always do, start yelling at every minority they could find to take off their hats. The guy one row in front of us, about 8 beers into his night (and probably some steroids judging from the size of him) yells out to the group of foreigners - "Hats off Korea!!!" - which is funny in and of itself, but even funnier because...
They're from Taiwan!!!
But you know them racists, "they all look the same to us". Anyway, we chuckled and giggled like little girls at a slumber party throughout the singing of G-d Bless America by none other than the fat Irishmen with big enough ears to fly Oprah around on a world tour - Ro-Ty.
The game of course went on from there, and it sparked this brilliant stream of thought from myself to a couple of my buddies who were at the game with me.
"If I was playing first base for the Tigers (G-d forbid), and A-rod singled up the middle, I'd have a sharpie in my pocket and I would not be at all embarrassed to ask him to sign my glove. Then in between innings I would return to the dugout, switch gloves and put the signed one away... If Jeter got on, out comes my camera phone - 'derek, you mind? oh and do one of those stances when you're about to swipe second. One sec, let me pretend to hold you on at first...got it,,, thank derek.. good luck.' "
Well, back to Day 1 of my Bar Review Course - I had to wake up at 7am (which those of you who work everyday will laugh at - but hey, I've been in college and law school the last 6 years, 7am is ridiculous). I had to get up early and shower because I smelled like hell and finished watching Dwayne Wade get 40 on the Pistons and then Family Guy and the Yanks (a second time) too late to shower. I ate a quick breakfast and had to be in class before 9am to get a seat close enough to the back where I could escape for air if I started to feel suicidal.
A bunch of us had been joking around the last few weeks about how horrible this summer would be and all that. Well, needless to say, one day in and we underestimated how badly this is all going to suck. Three and a half hours later I finally got home, depressed, overwhelmed and yes, somewhat suicidal. Well, good thing the Yanks play Detroit again, that should lift my spirits.
The first lecturer gets on and I swear he looks like a cross between Drew Carey and Elmer Fudd. Oh, and he sounded like a horse's ass. He talked like he constantly had an oddly shaped item in his mouth, and for some reason spent 5 minutes joking around about beastiality and how bar examiners would approach it if they had the balls to ask about it on the actual test. People laughed, so of course I looked around to see who was laughing at this moron - not to my surprise most of the people on my "To Kill" list were the ones laughing.
Finally the class ends at about 12:45pm and people clapped. Let me explain two reason why this is retarded.
First off - he just tortured us for 3 and a half hours with boring material and horrible jokes.
Second - IT WASN'T A LIVE SESSION, IT WAS A TAPED LECTURE. He cannot see or hear your applause. In fact, he gave the lecture 4 days ago in a school 20 miles from where you are sitting. Jesus! This summer's going to suck.
Today was day 1 of my Summer of Pain, and it certainly lived up to the immature name I gave it. I got home from the Yankee game last night in time to watch Yankee's Encore (brought to you by W.B. Mason - which in case they don't tell you enough times, stands for 'Who But' - which can be a blog in and of itself on self-confidence and ego). The game was good (4-2 Yankees win) with an extremely exciting "Jeterian" catch (as the down syndrome kid that looks like John Sterling that they put in the CBS booth this season with Suzyn Waldman - who by the way, I could hear screeching and yapping from my seats off of first base last night). Side note - one of the greatest things about having cable tv is not having to listen to Sterling every night go - "that is deep to left, it is highhhh, it is farrrrr, that ball isssssss gonnnn - caught 20 feet in front of the wall by the left fielder - I gotta tell ya Suzyn, I thought that ball was gone, the wind must have brought it back into the park. Sometimes from the angle we are at, is is hard to tell, we've only been here for like 25 years, so we're still trying to get the angles down." Meanwhile, I go to a bunch of games a year, by no means do I sit through nearly as many as Sterling, and by the 2nd or 3rd inning of each game (and often a different seat each time) I can track the ball after it's hit without a problem. And if he's having so much trouble - do what most other people do, look at the freaking outfielders!
Though the game was solid and exciting, the highlight of the game was not the beautiful 3 run Yankee inning to take the lead, or even Jeter's ridiculous Mays like catch in centerfield while trampling Robinson Cano. Nope, it was the drunk guy in front of me during G-d Bless America at the 7th inning stretch. Let me back up and draw this out for you - it's worth it.
The whole game these annoying Taiwanese people three rows down, 1 section over (of course right in our line of vision to the plate) are holding a flag (Taiwanese i guess - but who knows, I think it had blue on it and a star or something, maybe some yellow, who gives a crap, it wasn't American and didn't have my name on it, so it was annoying) everytime Chow Ming King Wang (or whatever his name is) would throw a pitch. Of course we and everyone else would yell sit down every time, but they did not understand English.
Anyway, in the 7th inning they play G-d Bless America and the drunken white trash in the crowd, as they always do, start yelling at every minority they could find to take off their hats. The guy one row in front of us, about 8 beers into his night (and probably some steroids judging from the size of him) yells out to the group of foreigners - "Hats off Korea!!!" - which is funny in and of itself, but even funnier because...
They're from Taiwan!!!
But you know them racists, "they all look the same to us". Anyway, we chuckled and giggled like little girls at a slumber party throughout the singing of G-d Bless America by none other than the fat Irishmen with big enough ears to fly Oprah around on a world tour - Ro-Ty.
The game of course went on from there, and it sparked this brilliant stream of thought from myself to a couple of my buddies who were at the game with me.
"If I was playing first base for the Tigers (G-d forbid), and A-rod singled up the middle, I'd have a sharpie in my pocket and I would not be at all embarrassed to ask him to sign my glove. Then in between innings I would return to the dugout, switch gloves and put the signed one away... If Jeter got on, out comes my camera phone - 'derek, you mind? oh and do one of those stances when you're about to swipe second. One sec, let me pretend to hold you on at first...got it,,, thank derek.. good luck.' "
Well, back to Day 1 of my Bar Review Course - I had to wake up at 7am (which those of you who work everyday will laugh at - but hey, I've been in college and law school the last 6 years, 7am is ridiculous). I had to get up early and shower because I smelled like hell and finished watching Dwayne Wade get 40 on the Pistons and then Family Guy and the Yanks (a second time) too late to shower. I ate a quick breakfast and had to be in class before 9am to get a seat close enough to the back where I could escape for air if I started to feel suicidal.
A bunch of us had been joking around the last few weeks about how horrible this summer would be and all that. Well, needless to say, one day in and we underestimated how badly this is all going to suck. Three and a half hours later I finally got home, depressed, overwhelmed and yes, somewhat suicidal. Well, good thing the Yanks play Detroit again, that should lift my spirits.
The first lecturer gets on and I swear he looks like a cross between Drew Carey and Elmer Fudd. Oh, and he sounded like a horse's ass. He talked like he constantly had an oddly shaped item in his mouth, and for some reason spent 5 minutes joking around about beastiality and how bar examiners would approach it if they had the balls to ask about it on the actual test. People laughed, so of course I looked around to see who was laughing at this moron - not to my surprise most of the people on my "To Kill" list were the ones laughing.
Finally the class ends at about 12:45pm and people clapped. Let me explain two reason why this is retarded.
First off - he just tortured us for 3 and a half hours with boring material and horrible jokes.
Second - IT WASN'T A LIVE SESSION, IT WAS A TAPED LECTURE. He cannot see or hear your applause. In fact, he gave the lecture 4 days ago in a school 20 miles from where you are sitting. Jesus! This summer's going to suck.
posted by EDS | 5:05 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home