JP's Top 10 TV Characters
While I should be working on any one of 3 papers I have due in a month or a hypothetical due Thursday, I think I have something more important to write. I was watching some of my favorite TV Show ever before, and I thought, with all these lists around, why not make one of the 10 best TV characters? Keep in mind, these are the 10 best of shows I have seen that I like. There will be no Ally McBeals on this list, and I don’t even think we will get even one female on this list. Let’s face facts, women don’t make interesting tv characters. Except for Bada Bing Strippers. Unlike movie characters that you can get to know for only 2 hours, a TV character is someone you watch evolve over years, in anywhere from 50-200 episodes depending on the show. So without further ado, I present the JP Top Ten TV Characters.
My criteria are as follows: entertainment value, the amount I relate to the character and real-life placement. Meaning, could this person really exist if they were yanked from the TV and put in the real world. You may notice a lot from the same TV shows, but hey, there are only so many characters and shows I can actually sit through. No reality show people, these have to be acted parts, or at least, a non reality show character.
So here we go, feel free to add your thoughts:
10. Briscoe from Law and OrderI love this guy. He is the definition of what a detective should be. Grizzled, quick with the one-liners, law and order is not the same without him. He had his demons, he alludes to a drinking problem, but he is a take no BS kind of guy, and you can appreciate him. He is also by the book, and awesome at interrogations. I deal with cops on a daily basis, and none of them can light a match to Briscoe. In fact, they should all go down to Orbach’s grave and pray that God could make them half the detective this dude was on TV. He’d be higher on the list, but his character is a bit unbelievable, you know, a cop who doesn’t just half-ass it.
9. Zack Morris-Saved by the BellI think Zack Morris is who every guy wishes he was in high school. Always scheming, didn’t care, hot girlfriend, and despite bad grades, he got a 1502 on his SAT’s. Not the funniest guy, but he made an otherwise stupid Saturday morning show interesting. His greatest feats include shacking up with every girl on the show, getting into Yale, and marrying Kelly Kapowski.
8. Bobby McDonnel-The PracticeLook, there have been a lot of TV Lawyers, from Perry mason to Matlock to the dudes on law and order. But nobody had the cross-examination skill and the awesome closings that Bobby did. Since I wanna be a trial lawyer, I had to put one on the list. He is a little unbelievable as a character, because no real life lawyer is as polished as him, until I pass the bar.
7. Homer SimpsonI love Homer. He makes me laugh. Best Simpsons’ character. However, he would never exist in real life, or, if he did, he wouldn’t be as funny. You’d probably call him a schmuck and a deadbeat. But still, he the main character on one of TV’s longest running shows. Just think of all the classic episodes that he has been part of(Incredible Homer, Medical Marijuana one, just to name 2). You know if the Simpsons are on, Homer’s gluttony and incompetence will have you laughing for the whole show.
6. George JeffersonGeorge was my TV character when I was a little kid. I don’t know if I should’ve watched a show about a black guy calling every white guy honky, but boy was it funny. George represents more than just a successful black man on the rise, he represents every man who ever had a small dream make it big. This guy was insulting, cunning, and most of all, respected nobody. I never understood why a rich guy with a deluxe apartment in the sky was always upset, but it made for great TV.
5. Paulie WalnutsAlright, here is where it starts getting top heavy with one show. Paulie Walnuts is the Prince of One Liners. There is no depth to his character, he is just a straight up gangster, but incredibly goofy. While Tony may be the star, the banter between Paulie and Christopher is the highlight of the show. When Paulie stole an espresso pot from a Starbucks in Season 1, I was hooked. Instead of talking up Paulie, lemme convince you with his dialogue:
Christopher: We shoulda stopped at Roy Rogers.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Yeah and I shoulda F***’d Dale Evans but I didn't.
Silvio tells Paulie to say nothing while he’s talking to a Jewish hotel manager:
Paulie: F*** that, this is how I say nothing" (proceeds to beat him round the head with the bell on the counter)
Paulie talking to Tony:"Hey, snakes were f***ing themselves long before Adam and Eve showed up, T""The amazing thing about snakes, they reproduce spontaneously""They have both male and female sex organs. That's why somebody you don't trust, you call a snake. How can you trust a guy who can literally go f*** themselves?"
Enough said.
4. Uncle JuniorUncle Junior reminds me of every wiseass perverted old Italian man I know. And he is the funniest guy in TV history. Some of the stuff that comes out of his mouth makes me literally piss in my pants. Just look at him. Bald, big glasses, looks like a feeble old man that you cut off in traffic. The type of guy you roll your eyes at when he is griping about the price of grapes. Yet he is the most dangerous person on the show. Sure Tony controls him, but he is the de facto boss. He tells off the FBI, he is on trial for murder and can only think about his early bird special. He is entertaining, I can see myself in him when I am 70, and most of all, if you put him in the real world, he would fit in, just see every little old men hanging out at the Knights of Columbus center.
3. Tony Micelli- Who’s the BossWhat?! A cheesy 80’s character at number 3? A male housekeeper at that? Tony wasn’t that funny, and his character would never exist in real life, and I certainly do not relate to him. But aye oh, oh aye, there is no denying he makes a show about 3 silly women, one gay 7 yr old bearable to watch. He does the right thing for his daughter, moving out of Brooklyn to live with rich white people. He is a complete idiot, yet in the end he bags a super rich WASP. I bet he was bagging Mona on the side. But he brought to the forefront the idea of a middle class guinea making it, and well, he reminds me of all my cousins who dream of making it big the honest way. Until they go out and steal little children’s piggybanks and then get caught.
2. George Costanza/Larry DavidI include George and Larry David as one character, because well, Costanza was based on Larry David, and both are equally funny and entertaining. I relate most to these two guys, why, because they always say inappropriate things, they are always scheming, and they both hate artificial fake situations. I used to be told by people how I remind of them George, and I don’t know if that’s a compliment. But let’s face it, Seinfeld should’ve been called Costanza, because if it wasn’t for him, the show would’ve been cancelled after season 1.
1. Tony SopranoThe walking paradox. The true man of excess and hypocrisy. With the exception of the murders and the banging of anything that moves, there is a little of Tony Soprano in all of us. He lies so much you forget what is the truth and what is fiction. He beats up people for banging his ex, then he turns around and bangs Ralphies ex. He tells Walnuts nobody touches Ralphie, prevents Ralphie from getting clipped for murdering a stripper, and for insulting both Ginny Sack and Walnuts’ mother, yet he kills him over a horse. You gotta love Tony. He is the true Alpha male. Not to mention, at the rate I am going at, I will look like him in 10 years. There has never been a more complex TV character, in fact, it’s easy to know someone like him exists, you just gotta look at yourself.Despite that, he is one funny mutha, this guy has the best lines.
For instance:I'm like King Midas in reverse. Everything I touch turns to sh**.
The dean of a college that Meadow is applying to is asking Tony for a 10000$ donation]
Carmela Soprano: I think you should pay him, Tony.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No f***ing way.
Carmela Soprano: What, your daughter's future isn't worth 10000 dollars?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's not it. That motherf***er's full of s***. He's shaking me down.
Carmela Soprano: No, he's not.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Oh, yeah? Who knows more about extortion, me or you?
There's an old Italian saying: you f*** up once, you lose two teeth.
[Uncle Junior just told Tony he had a mentally handicapped uncle]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I remember my mother and my mother arguing about... something, I don't know. I remember her talking about my father's feeble-minded brother, but I thought she meant you
And finally, one of my favs: Ariel: For 2 years, 900 Jews held their own against 15000 Roman Soldiers, in the Massada. They wouldn't give up. Where are the Romans now, huh?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You're looking at them, a**hole.
Feel free to comment on this list... JP...
My criteria are as follows: entertainment value, the amount I relate to the character and real-life placement. Meaning, could this person really exist if they were yanked from the TV and put in the real world. You may notice a lot from the same TV shows, but hey, there are only so many characters and shows I can actually sit through. No reality show people, these have to be acted parts, or at least, a non reality show character.
So here we go, feel free to add your thoughts:
10. Briscoe from Law and OrderI love this guy. He is the definition of what a detective should be. Grizzled, quick with the one-liners, law and order is not the same without him. He had his demons, he alludes to a drinking problem, but he is a take no BS kind of guy, and you can appreciate him. He is also by the book, and awesome at interrogations. I deal with cops on a daily basis, and none of them can light a match to Briscoe. In fact, they should all go down to Orbach’s grave and pray that God could make them half the detective this dude was on TV. He’d be higher on the list, but his character is a bit unbelievable, you know, a cop who doesn’t just half-ass it.
9. Zack Morris-Saved by the BellI think Zack Morris is who every guy wishes he was in high school. Always scheming, didn’t care, hot girlfriend, and despite bad grades, he got a 1502 on his SAT’s. Not the funniest guy, but he made an otherwise stupid Saturday morning show interesting. His greatest feats include shacking up with every girl on the show, getting into Yale, and marrying Kelly Kapowski.
8. Bobby McDonnel-The PracticeLook, there have been a lot of TV Lawyers, from Perry mason to Matlock to the dudes on law and order. But nobody had the cross-examination skill and the awesome closings that Bobby did. Since I wanna be a trial lawyer, I had to put one on the list. He is a little unbelievable as a character, because no real life lawyer is as polished as him, until I pass the bar.
7. Homer SimpsonI love Homer. He makes me laugh. Best Simpsons’ character. However, he would never exist in real life, or, if he did, he wouldn’t be as funny. You’d probably call him a schmuck and a deadbeat. But still, he the main character on one of TV’s longest running shows. Just think of all the classic episodes that he has been part of(Incredible Homer, Medical Marijuana one, just to name 2). You know if the Simpsons are on, Homer’s gluttony and incompetence will have you laughing for the whole show.
6. George JeffersonGeorge was my TV character when I was a little kid. I don’t know if I should’ve watched a show about a black guy calling every white guy honky, but boy was it funny. George represents more than just a successful black man on the rise, he represents every man who ever had a small dream make it big. This guy was insulting, cunning, and most of all, respected nobody. I never understood why a rich guy with a deluxe apartment in the sky was always upset, but it made for great TV.
5. Paulie WalnutsAlright, here is where it starts getting top heavy with one show. Paulie Walnuts is the Prince of One Liners. There is no depth to his character, he is just a straight up gangster, but incredibly goofy. While Tony may be the star, the banter between Paulie and Christopher is the highlight of the show. When Paulie stole an espresso pot from a Starbucks in Season 1, I was hooked. Instead of talking up Paulie, lemme convince you with his dialogue:
Christopher: We shoulda stopped at Roy Rogers.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Yeah and I shoulda F***’d Dale Evans but I didn't.
Silvio tells Paulie to say nothing while he’s talking to a Jewish hotel manager:
Paulie: F*** that, this is how I say nothing" (proceeds to beat him round the head with the bell on the counter)
Paulie talking to Tony:"Hey, snakes were f***ing themselves long before Adam and Eve showed up, T""The amazing thing about snakes, they reproduce spontaneously""They have both male and female sex organs. That's why somebody you don't trust, you call a snake. How can you trust a guy who can literally go f*** themselves?"
Enough said.
4. Uncle JuniorUncle Junior reminds me of every wiseass perverted old Italian man I know. And he is the funniest guy in TV history. Some of the stuff that comes out of his mouth makes me literally piss in my pants. Just look at him. Bald, big glasses, looks like a feeble old man that you cut off in traffic. The type of guy you roll your eyes at when he is griping about the price of grapes. Yet he is the most dangerous person on the show. Sure Tony controls him, but he is the de facto boss. He tells off the FBI, he is on trial for murder and can only think about his early bird special. He is entertaining, I can see myself in him when I am 70, and most of all, if you put him in the real world, he would fit in, just see every little old men hanging out at the Knights of Columbus center.
3. Tony Micelli- Who’s the BossWhat?! A cheesy 80’s character at number 3? A male housekeeper at that? Tony wasn’t that funny, and his character would never exist in real life, and I certainly do not relate to him. But aye oh, oh aye, there is no denying he makes a show about 3 silly women, one gay 7 yr old bearable to watch. He does the right thing for his daughter, moving out of Brooklyn to live with rich white people. He is a complete idiot, yet in the end he bags a super rich WASP. I bet he was bagging Mona on the side. But he brought to the forefront the idea of a middle class guinea making it, and well, he reminds me of all my cousins who dream of making it big the honest way. Until they go out and steal little children’s piggybanks and then get caught.
2. George Costanza/Larry DavidI include George and Larry David as one character, because well, Costanza was based on Larry David, and both are equally funny and entertaining. I relate most to these two guys, why, because they always say inappropriate things, they are always scheming, and they both hate artificial fake situations. I used to be told by people how I remind of them George, and I don’t know if that’s a compliment. But let’s face it, Seinfeld should’ve been called Costanza, because if it wasn’t for him, the show would’ve been cancelled after season 1.
1. Tony SopranoThe walking paradox. The true man of excess and hypocrisy. With the exception of the murders and the banging of anything that moves, there is a little of Tony Soprano in all of us. He lies so much you forget what is the truth and what is fiction. He beats up people for banging his ex, then he turns around and bangs Ralphies ex. He tells Walnuts nobody touches Ralphie, prevents Ralphie from getting clipped for murdering a stripper, and for insulting both Ginny Sack and Walnuts’ mother, yet he kills him over a horse. You gotta love Tony. He is the true Alpha male. Not to mention, at the rate I am going at, I will look like him in 10 years. There has never been a more complex TV character, in fact, it’s easy to know someone like him exists, you just gotta look at yourself.Despite that, he is one funny mutha, this guy has the best lines.
For instance:I'm like King Midas in reverse. Everything I touch turns to sh**.
The dean of a college that Meadow is applying to is asking Tony for a 10000$ donation]
Carmela Soprano: I think you should pay him, Tony.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No f***ing way.
Carmela Soprano: What, your daughter's future isn't worth 10000 dollars?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's not it. That motherf***er's full of s***. He's shaking me down.
Carmela Soprano: No, he's not.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Oh, yeah? Who knows more about extortion, me or you?
There's an old Italian saying: you f*** up once, you lose two teeth.
[Uncle Junior just told Tony he had a mentally handicapped uncle]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I remember my mother and my mother arguing about... something, I don't know. I remember her talking about my father's feeble-minded brother, but I thought she meant you
And finally, one of my favs: Ariel: For 2 years, 900 Jews held their own against 15000 Roman Soldiers, in the Massada. They wouldn't give up. Where are the Romans now, huh?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You're looking at them, a**hole.
Feel free to comment on this list... JP...
posted by EDS | 6:12 AM
2 Comments:
JP-
I am curious as to your thoughts on the characters in Everybody Loves Raymond.
I also think Kevin James in King of Queens is very underrated. The show is a great show. He was also great in Hitch.
AJS
Where's Boss Hog from The Dukes of Hazard fit in?
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