AA + PC = BS

The term affirmative action was first used by President John F. Kennedy in March 1961. The order was designed to end the employment discrimination practiced by the government and its contractors. It required every federal contract to include the following pledge. “The Contractor will not discriminate against any employee or applicant for employment because of race, creed, color, or national origin (sex was added later on by Lyndon Johnson). The contractor will take affirmative action to ensure that applicants are employed, and that employees are treated during employment without regard to their race, creed, color or national origin.” The goal was, in the President’s words, “equal opportunity in employment.”

Now before you exit this site because you thought a serious discussion was being started, hang around and read more. Like many of the posts on this site, the goal is to be entertaining first and make a point second. Making points are good though, because they tend to encourage more participation. More participation leads to funny comments and more entertainment for me (the objective of this site in the first place).

I bring up Affirmative Action because while I agree with the premise somewhat, I don’t agree with the means by which it is carried out, and its link to political correctness which has vacuumed much humor out of the world. Affirmative Action was not created to give under-qualified people jobs. It was created to encourage employers (specifically government employers and contractors) to not disregard an applicant based on some sort of minority status. In effect it has scared the crap out of everyone, and forced many to be guarded in both hiring practices and conduct at work.

That said, there is no reason that when I call my cell phone company with a problem on my bill that I should have to talk to a man-hating lesbian midget who holds a grudge against non-little people. This kind of person makes me hate the whole affirmative action system. I have nothing against lesbians or midgets; both can be wildly entertaining in their own special way, but perhaps this specific lesbian midget belongs in a different industry than customer care (maybe being the ball-girl at a little league game). I find it amazing that when I call to pay a bill or give money in some way, I always speak to a friendly person who makes me feel appreciated and welcome. But when I call with a problem I somehow always end up talking to Louis Farrakhan’s retarded nephew.

Now if you noticed, in the last paragraph I was not politically correct. Here’s why: F*&# Political Correctness. This is the dumbest phase that our great country has ever gone through. People who are offended by non-PC comments are generally losers with too much time on their hands. If you have that much time on your hands, instead of bitching and moaning like a little girl, start a blog. It’s a lot more stimulating and doesn’t bother people as much. These pro-PC mongrels are dull and boring and usually have some kind of genetic defect that makes them prone to being emotionally abused.

Affirmative action and political correctness go hand in hand. I believe that the affirmative action movement has created this fear of offending someone in the workplace, which translates into the workplace becoming completely PC and boring. This is a mistake. If you work with a morbidly obese woman, you should be able to call her fatty and bounce Ring Dings in front of her face on a yo-yo string. If you work with an Italian, it should be open season on mafia and Sopranos jokes. I’m Jewish; somebody at work should be throwing a penny at my feet every single day when I walk in.

Stereotypes exist, differences are there, what fun is it to work in a diverse place if these differences can’t be explored and laughed at? Non-PC can only apply to non-racists. The one boundary that needs to be kept strong is intent. Hitler’s descendants, for example cannot make Jew or Black jokes; if they do, they should severely beaten. Iraqis cannot make Kurdish jokes. Convicted rapists cannot make jokes about women. Israelis CAN make Arab jokes, because there is just too much good material there to let it go to waste. I’d say Arabs can’t make Jew jokes either, but those people don’t listen to anyone anyway (Kaboom!). Oh, and everyone can make Hellen Keller and Stevie Wonder jokes, open season on the blind people (I haven’t created the Braille blog version yet). That said, the neo-Nazi cannot say the Stevie Wonder can’t read because he’s black, and the rapist can’t say Hellen Keller can’t drive because she’s a woman. The other open category is Michael Jackson.

So from now on, help me fight against the political correctness movement. Here are some things I try to do to further this struggle:
I make a point of asking every black person I meet if they play basketball.
I ask every Italian if they have an uncle called Big Pussy or Sammy the Bull, or perhaps a cousin Vinny who practices law.
If I take a ride from a female, I always ask if she wants me to drive.
If I’m riding the subway, I try to beat the Asian women to the open seats and then give them a high five if they win.
I don’t know any little people, so I just call my short friends midgets instead.

Feel free to add to this list the ways in which you think we can fight PC by clicking the comments button below…