Things I Do Not Understand...

America’s obsession with Paris Hilton – this makes no sense to me. This girl is the ugliest hot chick ever. People are fascinated by her stupidity and obliviousness to the real world. Yes, I’ll admit, her forays into different ‘real world’ atmospheres are quite humorous because of her spoiled, rich, daddy-gave-me-everything background. But don’t we forget? – We hate people like this. I don’t need to watch ‘The Simple Life’ to see a rich white girl be afraid to ruin her hair helping someone carry something. Hell I go to law school - I’ve got six Paris Hilton’s in my class, and some of them are hotter and more annoying than Paris. It does figure that a girl named after the capital of the most arrogant and annoying country would turn out as such, but please, the fixation has to end.

Stupid Clichés – i.e. looking at the glass as ‘half-empty versus half-full’. This is stupid. Just say optimism or pessimism. Why do I need to spend 10 minutes trying to figure out how you view a glass and how that view translates into non-chess club, non-mathlete language because you choose to substitute fancy clichés for this country’s easily understandable language of English. I could have a more productive conversation with an Asian man on the subway than I can with someone constantly throwing out useless clichés to sound smart.
Picture this conversation:

You: Hi, how are you?
Pretentious Putz you are speaking with: Carpe Diem
You: Huh? What are you saying?
Pretentious Putz: When in doubt consult your inner child, know what I’m saying?
You: Nope, not a clue. What have you been up to lately?
Pretentious Putz: You know, living and learning. One day at a time.
You: Ok. You hear what happened to your friend Shmeckleheim?
Pretentious Putz: Well, what goes around comes around. Live and let live, ya know?
You: Ok, aren’t you afraid that the mob will come and rip off your right leg too?
Pretentious Putz: There is nothing to fear but fear itself.
You: Maybe you should consider another line of work, it would be safer.
Pretentious Putz: If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
You: Ok, good luck to you.
Pretentious Putz: It could be worse.
You: Not really, goodbye.
How annoying is that?


Women – But there is no way I am going into this one in detail.

Companies that pay people to make predictions in sports – Maybe I’m naïve, but this needs to be explained to me better. If Mike and the jackass can tell me who is going to win each and every college basketball game this week, and how each of those teams is going to go about exploiting the other teams' weaknesses on the way to victory, why do I need to even bother watching the game? Now, from past history, I can say with certainty that these two are often wrong with their predictions. Therefore, I will watch the games. Now, if I am going to watch these games, because, well, the outcome is uncertain and it entertains me to see it unfold – then why would I need to listen to two pretentious putzes spew sports clichés for 5 hours on the radio when I can be listening to my Pink Floyd CD’s? Maybe I’m missing something here. Feel free to clue me in.

I’m sure I will have more on this eventually… Feel free to add to the list…