Why Hide It?
Here’s what I don’t understand. There are certain actions that people take that are completely normal – in fact everyone does them – but never in public. Here are some examples. Feel free to add in your own in the comments. I’d love to hear them.
Why do I have to sit in my cubicle picking my nose and constantly be checking around that someone might see me? It’s ridiculous. Everyone picks their nose. Nobody can honestly tell me they don’t sit at home on their couch when they get home from work and immediately see how far they can reach into their nasal canal. Most of you don’t even wait till you get home, you’re in your cars digging away – I’ve seen it. So how come if you’re in a public place, all of a sudden it becomes a reason to be laughed at or thought of as gross? This makes no sense to me. This social rule needs to be changed.
There is nothing wrong with burping. In fact, it could be quite humorous and many talented people can do burping tricks. Yet for some reason, if one goes out to a business dinner and drinks soda, they are forced to down all their burps so that they back up into your stomach and make you feel like US border patrol trying to keep 15 truckloads of Mexicans from crossing the border. Then the burps try to come out the other way, which of course is a huge no-no (unless of course you can do it silently and blame it on the fat guy at the table next to yours). Instead you end up with 6 people sitting around a business lunch squirming around and twisting their legs under the table to hold in gas – This is ridiculous!
Now for a guy of course there is the issue of scratching one’s crotch. This is looked down upon in society, but of course is a necessary function. In fact, if a crotch goes more than 8 minutes without being scratched it can either turn into a female body-part (rhymes with bagina) or, slightly less embarrassing, the man can die. Most men would hope for death in this case, but unfortunately some are not so lucky. One can scratch an itch on his arm or leg or face. One can rub his eyes, or even put a finger into an ear (for 2 seconds maximum before it becomes weird). Yet, the most important of all places, the holiest of holies in terms of itching, cannot be touched in public. This is crap! I say – “Men, scratch your crotch freely!” Do not fear social stigma, rather band together and create its social acceptance by making it the norm.
Feel free to add to this list…
Why do I have to sit in my cubicle picking my nose and constantly be checking around that someone might see me? It’s ridiculous. Everyone picks their nose. Nobody can honestly tell me they don’t sit at home on their couch when they get home from work and immediately see how far they can reach into their nasal canal. Most of you don’t even wait till you get home, you’re in your cars digging away – I’ve seen it. So how come if you’re in a public place, all of a sudden it becomes a reason to be laughed at or thought of as gross? This makes no sense to me. This social rule needs to be changed.
There is nothing wrong with burping. In fact, it could be quite humorous and many talented people can do burping tricks. Yet for some reason, if one goes out to a business dinner and drinks soda, they are forced to down all their burps so that they back up into your stomach and make you feel like US border patrol trying to keep 15 truckloads of Mexicans from crossing the border. Then the burps try to come out the other way, which of course is a huge no-no (unless of course you can do it silently and blame it on the fat guy at the table next to yours). Instead you end up with 6 people sitting around a business lunch squirming around and twisting their legs under the table to hold in gas – This is ridiculous!
Now for a guy of course there is the issue of scratching one’s crotch. This is looked down upon in society, but of course is a necessary function. In fact, if a crotch goes more than 8 minutes without being scratched it can either turn into a female body-part (rhymes with bagina) or, slightly less embarrassing, the man can die. Most men would hope for death in this case, but unfortunately some are not so lucky. One can scratch an itch on his arm or leg or face. One can rub his eyes, or even put a finger into an ear (for 2 seconds maximum before it becomes weird). Yet, the most important of all places, the holiest of holies in terms of itching, cannot be touched in public. This is crap! I say – “Men, scratch your crotch freely!” Do not fear social stigma, rather band together and create its social acceptance by making it the norm.
Feel free to add to this list…
posted by EDS | 9:24 AM
2 Comments:
You forget the fabled "crop duster" in the office - who, when the burb comes out the wrong way, will walk through the fabricated cubical halls depositing his noxious stank throughout like he's spraying for moths.
He's too brave to keep it in, yet too subtle to blame it on the fat guy. He's magical really...
I know this is unrelated to the original post, but I thought everyone should see this news item. Derek Jeter Center.
$2300 is a small price to pay to piss off Boston.
--General Blie
Post a Comment
<< Home