CLS 7870
This post is meant to be interactive - therefore, if you are reading this, you should post a comment at the end with your answer. If you do not want to post your name, there is an option to post anonymously. Please participate, I am interested in hearing your ideas...
CLS 7870 – this is the license plate of the moron who cut me off last night on my way home from the city (yes, I actually wrote it down). Here’s what annoyed me most, it wasn’t even a necessary cut off. Sometimes it is necessary and excusable to cut someone off – i.e. – you are in a rush and driving recklessly, so you pull up in the right lane at a light and slam the gas to get ahead at the second the light turns green. When that happens, I usually hope that a cop is crossing the street at that same moment and gets struck by this fool, but not too hard so that he can’t get up and beat the living crap out the putz.
CLS 7870 was driving in the lane to the left of me. We were both in lanes that turn right, and the light was red. Now, let me describe this so you can fully understand this person’s retardation. He was in fact turning right into the left most lane, and then continuing on to an entrance ramp in the same left lane he was already in. Are you getting this? This means he had absolutely no reason to change lanes at all to get ahead. However, for some reason, CLS 7870 felt it necessary to nudge ahead of me in the right lane, almost forcing me off the road, only to make the turn and switch back left. This infuriated me.
Normally, I would follow my usual procedure as described here. However, it was 7:15pm and I was 5 minutes from home and my kid goes to sleep at 7:30pm. Therefore, a ride to Carolina was out of the question. I pulled up behind CLS 7870 and flipped on my brights. Not flashing on and off, flipped them on and left them on (of course making sure the lights were shining directly into his driver-side mirror. I also picked up my snow brush and held it out my window in the dark to make it look like a weapon of some kind. CLS 7870 magically began to speed up. At that point I drove up beside his car, showed him my middle finger and drove ahead of him. At the next light I stopped – on green. Then I proceeded to wait for the long light to turn orange before continuing on. Alas, CLS 7870 was forced to wait at the red light. I hope his rush wasn’t a real emergency.
This little episode last night reminded me of a conversation my brother and I often have. We often discuss various ways to piss off other drivers after they were the first aggressor. For example, when a woman honked him at a light he proceeded to drive 8 mph for a 10 block stretch with the same woman furiously honking behind him for the entire time. Of course each time she honked his laughter got louder and his brake-foot got heavier. Or the time where a double parked car that did not leave enough room to pass received a nice wad of gum on the windshield to hold a sign explaining the discourteous practice double-parking and how it affects neighbors.
I would like to hear other such non-violent (ok - or violent) ideas for avenging another’s act of stupidity or aggression on the road.... so please chime in…
CLS 7870 – this is the license plate of the moron who cut me off last night on my way home from the city (yes, I actually wrote it down). Here’s what annoyed me most, it wasn’t even a necessary cut off. Sometimes it is necessary and excusable to cut someone off – i.e. – you are in a rush and driving recklessly, so you pull up in the right lane at a light and slam the gas to get ahead at the second the light turns green. When that happens, I usually hope that a cop is crossing the street at that same moment and gets struck by this fool, but not too hard so that he can’t get up and beat the living crap out the putz.
CLS 7870 was driving in the lane to the left of me. We were both in lanes that turn right, and the light was red. Now, let me describe this so you can fully understand this person’s retardation. He was in fact turning right into the left most lane, and then continuing on to an entrance ramp in the same left lane he was already in. Are you getting this? This means he had absolutely no reason to change lanes at all to get ahead. However, for some reason, CLS 7870 felt it necessary to nudge ahead of me in the right lane, almost forcing me off the road, only to make the turn and switch back left. This infuriated me.
Normally, I would follow my usual procedure as described here. However, it was 7:15pm and I was 5 minutes from home and my kid goes to sleep at 7:30pm. Therefore, a ride to Carolina was out of the question. I pulled up behind CLS 7870 and flipped on my brights. Not flashing on and off, flipped them on and left them on (of course making sure the lights were shining directly into his driver-side mirror. I also picked up my snow brush and held it out my window in the dark to make it look like a weapon of some kind. CLS 7870 magically began to speed up. At that point I drove up beside his car, showed him my middle finger and drove ahead of him. At the next light I stopped – on green. Then I proceeded to wait for the long light to turn orange before continuing on. Alas, CLS 7870 was forced to wait at the red light. I hope his rush wasn’t a real emergency.
This little episode last night reminded me of a conversation my brother and I often have. We often discuss various ways to piss off other drivers after they were the first aggressor. For example, when a woman honked him at a light he proceeded to drive 8 mph for a 10 block stretch with the same woman furiously honking behind him for the entire time. Of course each time she honked his laughter got louder and his brake-foot got heavier. Or the time where a double parked car that did not leave enough room to pass received a nice wad of gum on the windshield to hold a sign explaining the discourteous practice double-parking and how it affects neighbors.
I would like to hear other such non-violent (ok - or violent) ideas for avenging another’s act of stupidity or aggression on the road.... so please chime in…
posted by EDS | 3:04 PM
7 Comments:
My personal favorite is the waiting till the light turns yellow and then going. However, Chinese fire drills annoy everyone on the road as well.
Another great idea is drive slowly in front of the person annoying you. Keep your left turn signal on and drive slowly as if you are looking for a particular street to make the left. Then, after 5 or 6 blocks, slow down as if you found it and make a right turn. They will honk and curse at you, and may even hit your car. But hey, if you hit someone from behind, I believe it is your fault.
AJS
Doing things that will get you hit from behind, inadvertently or....advertently?....are never a good idea, because even if he shmuck behind you have insurance that will pay, it's not worth the hassle to get your car fixed. That's why my favorite isn't such a great idea: slam on the brakes on the highway in front of a tailgater. However, if you notice a guy weaving in out of lanes on the Van Wyck, because being one car length ahead of you in traffic that isn't moving makes ANY DIFFERENCE....that guy, you rush to get ahead of, and stay in front, and make like a NASCAR driver running interference. Every time he changes lanes, you change in front of him.
There was a story in the news a couple of years ago. A plumber got cut off. He decided to get even by pulling ahead of the guy and throwing lug nuts out the window. However, after getting his window severely chipped, the driver took down the license and the plumber was arrested.
Here is a safer solution (at least for you). Keep a covered coffee cup with some brown paint in it. When someone annoys you, pull ahead of him and just toss the cup on his car. He will probably think that you just threw coffee on his car, which is irritating, but not to the extent that he will take down your license. (He is probably in too much of a rush anyway, and will just speed off to get away from you.) When he gets home and finds out that he needs a new paint job, it will be too late to retaliate.
--General R. Blie
Brilliant!
ah, eds.... im so proud of you and the progress you have made since way back in high school ("now, pull along side him, and show him your middle finger, then pull away with a screech". "do WHAT"??). my own personal favorite (tapping on the brakes in fron of a tailgater) almost cost someone else their car - the tailgater SLAMMED on his brakes (on the cross bornx - ha ha, jerkoff), but the person behind him had to slam and swerve into another lane to aviod him. ooops.
Donnie- you weren't tapping on the breaks on purpose. You just kept falling asleep at the wheel. Or was your long hair blocking your view. But thanks for those pearls of wisdom (think yearbook).
AJS
Get the license plate (which you did) and call in a complaint to the police saying there's a guy driving very erratically on --- Street and he just tossed a beer can out his window. You are a concerned citizen. (in the daytime, a nice touch would be to say that he's fast approaching a school zone) ... the guy gets pulled over and checked out, thereby killing at least 20 minutes of his day.
This used to work well with pay phones, I'm not sure if cell phones can be caller-ID'd by the cops.
Carol
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