Allow Steroids in Sports...?
Here’s a theoretical argument for you. Maybe they should legalize drug-use in sports. I know they are illegal in the United States, but that fact didn’t seem to bother any athletes before it all hit the fan the last few months. There are numerous arguments against this, and they all make sense, but frankly as sports fans that are in it for one reason and one reason only – to see the highest level of competition and entertainment possible – should we give a damn?
I propose that we should not give a damn. Speaking purely as a sports fan with no moral compass or ethical guidance, I do not care about these athletes or their families. I want to see them hit ridiculous home runs, throw down monstrous dunks, and injure one another with ferocious tackles. Hey, it entertains me, and you know what? It entertains you too. Sports Center’s “Top 10 Plays” never shows a guy hitting a double the other way; but Bonds’ 450 foot homeruns are on there every time. They never show a fundamental “wrapping the legs” tackle; but when a juiced up, over developed monstrosity almost rips someone’s head off with a high-body hit, his down-syndrome-like vocabulary gets multiple post-game interviews. Rarely do we see highlights of 5 players touching the basketball and swinging to the weak side for an open jumper; but we often see a coke-headed muscle man knock down 2 guys with a dunk and then scream out his “extra-adrenaline” pill for 12 seconds on the way back down court.
Should we care that these athletes are literally killing themselves mentally and physically to compete for our entertainment? Hell no! It’s not our fault. It’s the athlete’s sick father’s fault. This nutcase never fulfilled his own athletic goals and therefore pushed onto his son the responsibility of fulfilling them for him. In doing so, he created a neurotic mess who will stop at nothing to become the best. He will shrink his testicles, grow disgusting amounts of back hair and become a walking ED advertisement simply to hit a few more homers for Dad – his first and favorite coach.
Then in a few years this athlete will stand at the Hall of Fame podium, weighing a good 45 pounds less than he did when he played, and will tearfully thank his Dad for coaching him from day one and for always being there for him. He will then walk off stage holding his colostomy bag in one hand and his Hall of Fame plaque in the other, genuinely feeling that he was one of the best athletes his respective sport ever produced.
More importantly, I will have been immeasurably entertained by his career. LT would not have been nearly as entertaining if he was not a cokehead, nor would Darryl or Doc. McGuire and Sosa would have been average players. Bonds would have been great, but nobody would care because it wouldn’t have been because of the homeruns. I’m not going to name basketball players (OT, AM, KW are initials for you to guess on) because not enough has become public in that sport, but the entertainment level is definitely raised by drugs. Anyone who says otherwise is fooling themselves.
So I say, Juice ‘em Up, Coke ‘em Up, Get ‘em the hell out onto the field and let them injure someone!
p.s. – these thoughts do not necessarily reflect the views of the author, and are portrayed here simply to provide a theoretical argument for debate, so feel free to comment…
I propose that we should not give a damn. Speaking purely as a sports fan with no moral compass or ethical guidance, I do not care about these athletes or their families. I want to see them hit ridiculous home runs, throw down monstrous dunks, and injure one another with ferocious tackles. Hey, it entertains me, and you know what? It entertains you too. Sports Center’s “Top 10 Plays” never shows a guy hitting a double the other way; but Bonds’ 450 foot homeruns are on there every time. They never show a fundamental “wrapping the legs” tackle; but when a juiced up, over developed monstrosity almost rips someone’s head off with a high-body hit, his down-syndrome-like vocabulary gets multiple post-game interviews. Rarely do we see highlights of 5 players touching the basketball and swinging to the weak side for an open jumper; but we often see a coke-headed muscle man knock down 2 guys with a dunk and then scream out his “extra-adrenaline” pill for 12 seconds on the way back down court.
Should we care that these athletes are literally killing themselves mentally and physically to compete for our entertainment? Hell no! It’s not our fault. It’s the athlete’s sick father’s fault. This nutcase never fulfilled his own athletic goals and therefore pushed onto his son the responsibility of fulfilling them for him. In doing so, he created a neurotic mess who will stop at nothing to become the best. He will shrink his testicles, grow disgusting amounts of back hair and become a walking ED advertisement simply to hit a few more homers for Dad – his first and favorite coach.
Then in a few years this athlete will stand at the Hall of Fame podium, weighing a good 45 pounds less than he did when he played, and will tearfully thank his Dad for coaching him from day one and for always being there for him. He will then walk off stage holding his colostomy bag in one hand and his Hall of Fame plaque in the other, genuinely feeling that he was one of the best athletes his respective sport ever produced.
More importantly, I will have been immeasurably entertained by his career. LT would not have been nearly as entertaining if he was not a cokehead, nor would Darryl or Doc. McGuire and Sosa would have been average players. Bonds would have been great, but nobody would care because it wouldn’t have been because of the homeruns. I’m not going to name basketball players (OT, AM, KW are initials for you to guess on) because not enough has become public in that sport, but the entertainment level is definitely raised by drugs. Anyone who says otherwise is fooling themselves.
So I say, Juice ‘em Up, Coke ‘em Up, Get ‘em the hell out onto the field and let them injure someone!
p.s. – these thoughts do not necessarily reflect the views of the author, and are portrayed here simply to provide a theoretical argument for debate, so feel free to comment…
posted by EDS | 10:08 PM
7 Comments:
Well thought out and very true. Had McGuire and Sosa not been so juiced up, there would not have been a home run contest between them. This chase brought the fans back after the strike. Baseball should not ban steroids but instead applaud them and thank them for bringing the sport back to where it should be- the favorite American pastime.
Can you imagine how much fun basketball would be if Shaq and Lebron were allowed to use the clear and the cream? I for one might start watching again. Steroids can be as valuable to the game as the cortisone shot.
Oscar Meyer
You definitely make a coherent argument in favor. But in the spirit of not really meaning what we write, but just making good, coherent arguments, let me say this: While what these idiots do to their body is no concern of ours, and let them kill themselves as long as it's entertaining is certainly true, to allow this into sports is to essentially force those athletes that would normally not do steroids into doing them just to keep up. If everyone was hitting 60 HR's/year, the fundamental, slap-the-ball-through-the-right-side-and-move-the-runner hitter would fall by the wayside. And true sports fans appreciate those guys more than the muscle-heads. (See: Jeter, Derek). Which is to say nothing of the devaluation of big home-runs. Remember when Brady Anderson hit 50 HR's? It clearly made the 50 HR milestone worthless. Eventually, we won't have anything to measure greatness by, because everyone will be great, and therefore mediocre. Let nature separate out the good from the bad, and enjoy the fact that LeBron James is just naturally so much better than everyone else.
Yeah Brady Anderson is kind of a buzz kill... oh well...
Hey EDS, What about college athletes? Let's suppose, purely for arguments sake, we can consider you a former college athlete - how would you have liked being forced (b/c your competition was juicing up) to inject yourself with this crap (or worse injecting a teamates ass w/ this crap). Breaking a few NCAA Eligibility and Conduct rules is one thing (V'Hamaven Yavin) but steroid use is another. Even you would not stoop to this level.
Rob
I agree Rob, college must remain pure. College athletes do not get paid (legally), and therefore should not be subjected to the conclusions of this argument.
College students should probably stick with marijuana and other non-dangerous performance reducers, as opposed to dangerous performance enhancers.
There's plenty of time for ass injecting when you turn pro...Just ask Mike Piazza...
The gay innuendo about Mike Piazza is hurtful to a Met fan like myself. The guy denies being gay over and over and yet he still takes abuse from baseball-come-easy Yankee fans like EDS. It does make you think about what they mean when they say he is the best "power-hitting" "catcher" to play "the game."
Rob
whatever Rob, Pauly Shore also denies being gay...but he's 45, still goes by Pauly and is not a mobster...
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