Law School Myths- It’s all one big lie.
A tell-all piece from our Chief Staff Writer, JP...
I think the Wizard of Oz sucks. The coloring stinks, the songs are annoying, and Dorothy ended up being a cult hero among the limp wrist population. The main reason I hate the wizard of oz is because in the end, the great and powerful wizard who can solve all problems, give that tin man a heart, the scarecrow some brains, and the lion a set of testes, ends up doing nothing but giving prizes to them. Oh, and the 2 hour long movie is spent with Dorothy wanting to go home, and in the end, she just had to click her stupid shoes and say there is no place like home.
Let me tell you, clicking your shoes together and saying there is no place like home doesn’t work. How do I know? Because I try it every day I am in law school. And no matter how much I close my eyes and tap my shoes like Sammy Davis Jr. on crack, I still end up in the same lame ass lecture.
But this is not about my fantasies of being with midgets and flying monkeys, no this is about a sad reality. Ladies and gentlemen, we have been lied to. We lie to our children. What lie do we tell them? No its not about Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or that when we all die we go to this wonderful place heaven. The lie that is being perpetrated across America is that Law School is hard. Law School is prestigious. Law School is a lot of work. The simple truth is…Law School is a joke. In this multi-part expose, I will expose all the lies of law school. But because of my inherent laziness and the fact that this could probably take days, I am going to do it piece by piece. Starting with the biggest myth about law school, that law school is filled with the world’s most intelligent minds.
You know that old lotto commercial, all it takes is a dollar and dream? Well, to get into law school, all you need is 100k or a bank to lend it to you, and you are in. Never have I seen a bigger collection of morons, misfits, anti-social, pompous, arrogant, self-absorbed schmucks who could not think their way out of a paper bag. Why is that? Because there are over 180 law schools in the country, with about 20,000 spots for them. What ends up happening is, they let anyone in with a LSAT score above normal and decent GPA in college. Now I don’t know about you, but my college, which is a pretty decent one, was a joke. I slept through class, worked full time, never did homework, and still almost graduated with honors. These morons were the type whose Mommies and Daddies gave them a credit card, said have fun, just get good grades. Essentially, they were the ugly kids with no dates on Friday and Saturdays. Sure they all tell stories about how cool they were in high school, but my theory is, if you are good-looking, partied a lot, chances are you were not thinking about law school. But I digress.
This is how I imagine a law school admissions office works outside Harvard, Yale, NYU, Columbia, and the rest of the top 25:
Admissions officer: Oh we got an applicant here, Suzy Rottenbush, says here she was incarcerated for Shoplifting. She also was institutionalized for being a compulsive liar. Her personal essay is about maxing out her Daddy’s credit cards, and how when she cried and showed her cleavage at Bloomingdales, the sales attendant let her go without paying.
Admissions officer 2, (filing her nails): What’s her LSAT score and GPA
Admissions officer 1: 134 on LSATs, 2.9 GPA
Admissions officer 2: What school did she go to?
Admissions officer 1: uhhh….Syracuse?
Admissions officer 2: Cut her loose
Admissions officer 1: Wait, it says here her dad is the owner of Peep World, and can pay full tuition!
Admissions 2: Let her in, if she fails out, at least we make 40,000 off her.
Alright maybe that is not the way it happens, but still. There is nothing stopping any of you from getting into law school. An ex-girlfriend of mine, who took 5 years to get her two year associates degree, worked at a strip club, and still got into law school. In reality, law school should just be called…COLLEGE II. But that’s the subject of the next chapter.
I think the Wizard of Oz sucks. The coloring stinks, the songs are annoying, and Dorothy ended up being a cult hero among the limp wrist population. The main reason I hate the wizard of oz is because in the end, the great and powerful wizard who can solve all problems, give that tin man a heart, the scarecrow some brains, and the lion a set of testes, ends up doing nothing but giving prizes to them. Oh, and the 2 hour long movie is spent with Dorothy wanting to go home, and in the end, she just had to click her stupid shoes and say there is no place like home.
Let me tell you, clicking your shoes together and saying there is no place like home doesn’t work. How do I know? Because I try it every day I am in law school. And no matter how much I close my eyes and tap my shoes like Sammy Davis Jr. on crack, I still end up in the same lame ass lecture.
But this is not about my fantasies of being with midgets and flying monkeys, no this is about a sad reality. Ladies and gentlemen, we have been lied to. We lie to our children. What lie do we tell them? No its not about Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or that when we all die we go to this wonderful place heaven. The lie that is being perpetrated across America is that Law School is hard. Law School is prestigious. Law School is a lot of work. The simple truth is…Law School is a joke. In this multi-part expose, I will expose all the lies of law school. But because of my inherent laziness and the fact that this could probably take days, I am going to do it piece by piece. Starting with the biggest myth about law school, that law school is filled with the world’s most intelligent minds.
You know that old lotto commercial, all it takes is a dollar and dream? Well, to get into law school, all you need is 100k or a bank to lend it to you, and you are in. Never have I seen a bigger collection of morons, misfits, anti-social, pompous, arrogant, self-absorbed schmucks who could not think their way out of a paper bag. Why is that? Because there are over 180 law schools in the country, with about 20,000 spots for them. What ends up happening is, they let anyone in with a LSAT score above normal and decent GPA in college. Now I don’t know about you, but my college, which is a pretty decent one, was a joke. I slept through class, worked full time, never did homework, and still almost graduated with honors. These morons were the type whose Mommies and Daddies gave them a credit card, said have fun, just get good grades. Essentially, they were the ugly kids with no dates on Friday and Saturdays. Sure they all tell stories about how cool they were in high school, but my theory is, if you are good-looking, partied a lot, chances are you were not thinking about law school. But I digress.
This is how I imagine a law school admissions office works outside Harvard, Yale, NYU, Columbia, and the rest of the top 25:
Admissions officer: Oh we got an applicant here, Suzy Rottenbush, says here she was incarcerated for Shoplifting. She also was institutionalized for being a compulsive liar. Her personal essay is about maxing out her Daddy’s credit cards, and how when she cried and showed her cleavage at Bloomingdales, the sales attendant let her go without paying.
Admissions officer 2, (filing her nails): What’s her LSAT score and GPA
Admissions officer 1: 134 on LSATs, 2.9 GPA
Admissions officer 2: What school did she go to?
Admissions officer 1: uhhh….Syracuse?
Admissions officer 2: Cut her loose
Admissions officer 1: Wait, it says here her dad is the owner of Peep World, and can pay full tuition!
Admissions 2: Let her in, if she fails out, at least we make 40,000 off her.
Alright maybe that is not the way it happens, but still. There is nothing stopping any of you from getting into law school. An ex-girlfriend of mine, who took 5 years to get her two year associates degree, worked at a strip club, and still got into law school. In reality, law school should just be called…COLLEGE II. But that’s the subject of the next chapter.
posted by EDS | 7:00 PM
2 Comments:
This is brilliant. Looking forward to having the rest of the story uncovered shortly...
It sounds a lot like Queens College. However Queens is only $3,000 a year. I guess I should have tried law school also if it doesn't require much.
The most important thing is that it allows people like Elliot and JP to brighten our days with blogs that seem to be about nothing but should infact be used as an outline for a new sitcom replacing Seinfeld.
AJ
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